Reactionary Revolution

So people are reacting very funny to my last post. I think the most important thing to clarify is that I am in no way suicidal. I'm just a lousy artist. It's not a heart being stabbed. It's a heart with a hard dry cracked shell being pried open by God. It's a good thing! I drew it during a church service Sunday night when I felt like God was really working on me and bringing me hope. I'm really not suicidal. I never would be. I promise. A common reaction has been this theory of ... Oh, she's not talking about me... think again. Or then there's the reaction... oh, she's just mad at so-n-so... everybody is the problem, not one individual. And then there is the concerned people who decide that all of a sudden they are there for me... too late... don't care... it's a totally insincere jesture at this point. There is the idea that I don't like the people around me. Wrong! I do like them all alot which is why I tried so hard to create friendships with them and bring them into my life. But it didn't work. We aren't really friends. And that's fine. Some have thought that by me blogging it that it was an attack or a call for help. It wasn't meant to be either. It was really meant as a wake up call... in essence an end to the disillusionments on both sides. I'm not fooled and nor should you be about the standing of our interactions. I'm not trying to fix things. There is nothing to "fix". It just is what it is. As I am challenged to examine my interactions with those around me... I should mention that there are a few people to whom although we do not spend much time together, anytime we speak I am consistently reminded that they sincerely care. People like Kelvyn, Jerome, Sheila, Polly, and the other Liz. These people have taught me that real friendships don't require a ton of time as much as they require sincerity. And Carrie is there for me even though I hate her not being here and signing stupid leases that will keep her away from me at least until August. And Nate is here for me even though I hate this completely lame going no where year and a half long psuedo anything but a relationship thing we have. And Zac never lets me slip through the cracks to which I am constantly grateful that God has made him my friend, perhaps the most perceptive friend I have. It is not to say that I am cutting all ties, just to merely admit the reality that really there are no ties.