Tuesday, November 15

Pried Heart

pried heart

So people have asked about my big annual birthday party that for months now has been scheduled for this Saturday. So I know that this won't sound like me, but you all don't know me that well after all. I'm not having a party. I'm going to sit this one out. Primarily because I hate absolutely everybody. And by everybody I mean you. And by hate I mean hurt. Except Sheila and usually Carrie. And I could have yet another huge blowout party with a hundred people who know me but are not my friends. Often popularity is seen as friendships, but it certainly has never felt like friendship. And of the few I have had, even fewer have lasted as potentials for depth fall short. The hurts of pretend friendships have hardened me to even try anymore... betrayal, disloyalty, inconsideration, sneakiness, abandonment, manipulation, neglect, hostility, and unreciprocated relationships. I don't want to try anymore. I'm too hurt to care. It's too late for me. And the thought of a big party... to gather everyone who knows me together and look around and think to myself that not one of them is a real friend, well it's just not how I want to celebrate my birthday. So no big party. No party at all.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't be depressed. Life can suck. Everybody @ home group is pulling for you.
Just do as I do and cheer yourself up with a little black and some Ecclesiastes.

2:08 PM  
Anonymous Carrie said...

Lizard - I love you!!! You have been my friend forever and you always will. Because you are so good at being a friend. You are perfect at it. And, I love you to pieces. Thanks for being such an amazing friend. I can't wait to go to Santa Cruz and show butters the beach and eat at gail's and have lots of outrageous dessert.

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Aimee said...

Psst... hey Liz... guess what! I am a newbie... a fresh start. You can totally get to know me, and I will give you a real friendship. Sometime we will go out for coffee or something. Promise.

4:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Liz,
Im sorry you are going through a tough time. When you are ready to talk I'll be here. Always care about you and love you and wish I knew what to do to help you through this. No matter what happens though, you will always be special and dear to me.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Aimee, oh. really nice offer. and really I immediately thought of that when I heard you were in the area now, but realisticly it would really only be a matter of time before you would end up like everybody else. And then I would be hurt and abandoned once again. I am though excited to hang out with you because I do want to get to know you and I want you to feel welcomed.

1:01 PM  

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