Thursday, May 5

The big lesson...
For a second I put my fears aside and took a risk I would never normally take. As if in slow motion... I turned away, squinched my eyes, and pushed Enter. And when all is said and done, it turned out kinda great. Kelly, beckoned me to pray about it. And the next day as I prayed I realized the big lesson. It's okay to take chances. It's okay for me to risk, because ultimately God wants to bless me and He will. It's like He stands at the door and knocks and He's on the other side with a big huge goodie basket filled with everything I could want, but I'm too scared to open the door. What if He doesn't give me that blessing I want. What if He comes and changes my comfortable life. What if He is standing there about to damn me because I've blown it again. So I just whisper through the door... "Hey there. I love you. Thanks for loving me too." But if I just get over it and open the door, the blessing will flow. So I was feeling all confident and ready to take on the world. Ready to open all the doors and windows too. That was a few days ago.

Then my world got flipped by the words of a 5 year old child. Now I don't know which way is up. I don't know whether I'm going North or South, whether I'm coming or going. I have no clue what direction God is trying to take me. And I spent yesterday nauseous with anxiety over it all. There are so many factors in my life that are pending. So many decisions to make and too many pending factors for me to make educated decisions. It just doesn't feel safe and I see the possibility for me to go down hard. But now that I write this, I think the answer is going to be to take the risky paths that I would normally avoid. Don't play it safe. Oh, but that really doesn't sound right. And it certainly doesn't feel right. Life sucks. Pray for me.


Blogger Jon said...

Kay has a question she asks herself:
"What would I do if I weren't afraid?"

9:54 PM  

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