Thursday, November 4

I use to be bothered my mom's paranoia, her fear of a robber breaking in during the night or of being car jacked or mugged. I've never had that fear of the world. My adventurous ways rattled her and I pitied her for it. But I realize that what I fear is myself. My paranoia plays out in my mind as I create a life where I risk nothing and feel nothing. My daily social interactions are safeguarded within the limits of a 20 month old child whose vocabulary has not a harsh word in it. Even within my own home I retreat to the confines of my bedroom. I will type and do not fear speaking out in this fashion where I do not hear feedback. Mutual interaction is reserved for the select few old friends who are trusted to never say a thing I don't want to hear. I'm hiding alot of myself away, but I don't even exactly know why. I remember times of being carefree and gregarious. How did I lose my voice?


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