Tuesday, August 17

Sex in the City- Season 3 impacts on me: The Carrie Big thing gets me thinking about calling my ex. It has me thinking about whether he's engaged or married by now. Do I need to be having some sort of "my ex beat me to the punch" breakdown? Last I checked he had been with this chick for over a year and they were living together. I'm older than him so I should be the one to marry first. Then as I get to disc 2 in the dvd set I figure out about Carrie and Big's affair despite his marriage. This makes me think twice about calling. There's a strong force when we come face to face. We had a very deep yet unhealthy love for each other. Although I've kept my distance I may have become an issue for them at some point. He's an honest guy and is likely to fess up. I remember him telling me about kissing another girl. Last time I saw him we got caught up in the memories and the emotions and the reasons and the tears. I kept him until a sinful hour. His live-in was sure to demand answers and there's no good excuse to cover up the obvious. At 5:30 it's not a question of event as much as a question of who and why. I had forgave his transgressions and I assumed she did too. If they survive together then I need to stay away. Otherwise the prideful voice in the back of my head may tempt me to pursue a sign that ensures that I am still #1 and still win over all. A certainly evil thing to do given that I wouldn't ever get back together with him. Or would I? I have a pretty clear list of why I left and why I didn't return. 2 years apart made a different man but how much different is unknown. Perhaps another year has made him into the man I needed him to be the first time around. September is declared my month of discipline (motivated out of inspiration found in Nate). Maybe I call in October when life is more worth bragging about.


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