Tuesday, July 6

Too good to be true? Apparently so. Today was the worst day of my life. I don't even know where to start. There were small things like finding out my friend/brother is back in some type of trouble with drugs or something (wasn't able to get details). And my cell service was turned off temporarily for not paying the bill. I had carefully planned my bill payments but it all got screwed out of whack when my roommate was late with her rent. But worst of all, oh.. I can't even go into all the details. It hurts so bad. In short, my father rescinded his decision to put me on the title of the house after being freaked out by my */^# of a cousin took it upon himself to call my dad whom he barely knows and declare himself some type of know it all real estate financial advisor. The fact that I'm not getting the house and the money for the business sure as heck sucks but that's not it. It's that my family doesn't believe in me, no faith at all. I knew this about my mom's family and I guess maybe I knew it about my dad too. He was always all cranky and bitter with me, but sometimes his friends would tell me how proud he was of me and I don't know... I guess I kinda believed them. You see I kinda got a raw deal when it came to the family set up. My dad has some money so everybody else in the whole extended family (including my mom's side) goes and bugs him about money stuff and they all borrow from him and in the end when he's all bitter about it. I'm the one who suffers because he sees me as the link to all this junk (even though I'm usually completely unaware any of it is going on until after the fact). And I think in his mind he has basically lumped me in with all of them as someone who is just after some money. But I don't want his money at all. When I was a kid everybody interfered in our relationship. They always were there kissing up and they hardly ever gave us any time alone to bond. They sculpted the relationship to be about money and as a kid I had no idea what was going on. But as I got older I rebelled against this idea and got a job at the age of 12 and started supporting myself and paying for my needs to the best of my ability. But I couldn't keep my mom's family away from him. The other thing is that the whole family somewhat has it out for me because they got this notion that I'm some type of spoiled brat who needs to be humbled and put into place. But I didn't ask for any of that stuff growing up. My family asked for it for me as just another ploy to get money. I had no clue what was going on. I didn't want to go to some prestigious private school. I wanted a public school where there was boys and no uniforms. My sister convinced everyone to send me there because that's where she wanted to go but couldn't afford to. And didn't ask for that car when I turned 16. I didn't even pick it out. My sister bought it and then changed her mind because she wanted a jeep and asked my dad if he'd buy it off of her for me. I just thought if I was lucky maybe I could get his 10 year old falling apart t-bird. And even when my dad did give me money for my birthday or for my grades, I didn't see. I'd see the check in the card and then that was the end of that. There were about $400 in bonds that my mom couldn't cash and I was able to hold onto, but I cashed them in during college to pay some bills. I traveled the world on my own dime. I only had a pony because my best friend gave it to me (or at least that's what they told me. Now that I think of it they probably made my dad pay for that too and nobody told me). Point is that I never wanted his damn money. I just wanted a dad, but never really got that relationship because everybody else was always interfering. So the whole business isn't dead, because my dad's idea is to just throw money at me to appease me like cuz it works for the rest of my clan. But that's bull. I don't want it like that. I want to do this business on my own. I don't want any stupid handouts. I didn't mind borrowing his equity to fake out the banks, but I'm not about to borrow the whole thing so that everytime he looks at me he remembers and is all bitter. I'm tired from crying about this all night. I hate my cousin for getting involved and getting my dad all flipped out. I had come to him on my own and for a second he was distinguishing me from my family. Until abnoxious Johnny called up. I'm so disgusted that my impulse is to just ditch this house and all the work I put into it and just move out or even better move away and say screw them all. I'm really tired from crying. I've got to sleep and hope the morning brings me some type of solution.


Post a Comment

<< Home