Lizapalooza Life Lessons

Lizapalooza of SVRG - 1st Home Bout This Saturday!

2008-08-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

This Saturday, August 30, the Silicon Valley Roller Girls (SVRG) will host their first home bout against the Port City Roller Girls B-Team. The bout, appropriately named Hot August Fights, will be held at SVRGs home rink, San Jose Skate on Blossom Hill Road. Come witness the homecoming of womens flat track roller derby to the South Bay. All ages are welcome!

Doors open at 6pm. Bout begins at 7pm.

There will be Pabst Beer on tap, BBQ provided by SaddleRack, Car Exhibit, Raffle Prizes, Halftime Show, and much more!

Adult Tickets are $12 in advance, $15 at the door.

Children 3 to 12 are $5 in advance, $7 at the door.

Chilren 2 and under are free.

V.I.P. tickets are $25 and include premier rink side seating and exclusive bout privledges.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE YOUR TICKETS NOW!

Don your green and black and get ready for some good ol' fashion derby destruction!

Check out http://www.svrollergirls.com/ for more information!

What's Up With Lizapalooza

2008-02-16T12:33:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard yet, I've taken up Roller Derby! I'm super proud of my team, the Silicon Valley Roller Girls. We are heading into our first official season and it is so exciting! I skate as Lizapalooza #217. Come out and support your local derby girl. Below this dandy article about us you will find a list of our upcoming bouts and some fundraisers too:
Click here to see a video explanation of the game of roller derby.

Fundraisers:

2/20 Wed - Armadillo Willy's Fundraiser - Treat yourself to dinner out and donate to a good cause at the same time. Proceeds from sales on this evening directly benefit SVRG. 5 pm - 9pm, 878 Blossom Hill Rd, San Jose, CA
3/1 Sat - Fundraiser Night @ The Quarter Note - 214 Apollo Way # 403, Sunnyvale, CA.

Bouting Schedule:

3/15 - SVRG vs Santa Cruz Roller Girls Bout at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium *(1st bout of the season and the one to be at. All the rest are far.)
5/17 - SVRG vs Smog City Roller Grrrls Bout at Fresno
6/28 - SVRG vs Battle Born Derby Demons Bout at Reno
8/23 - SVRG vs Sonoma County Roller Derby Bout at Sonoma
9/20 - SVRG vs Bakersfield Roller Girls Bout at Bakersfield

Where I've Been

2007-10-31T23:51:00.000-07:00

Alot of places. Here's what you've missed.

Work sent me to Los Cabos, Mexico for a familiarization trip with 5 other coworkers. 4 days, 2 flights, 18 hotels, 4 written reviews, and 1 night out on the town.

A birthday trip for Nate to San Diego. We stayed in La Jolla, ate in Little Italy, went out in the gaslamp district, shopped at Horton Plaza, watched the air races down at the marina, and explored every inch of Balboa Park including the SD Zoo.

Gorum Family Reunion Weekend: My cousin sister Raylene came out to Cali from New York for the 1st time we've seen her since her moving back from London. This warrants her dad coming out from Reno and her grandma coming from Portland. Her mom recently moved here from San Diego. Throw me and my dad in the mix and you have enough Gorums (4 or more) to call a reunion. So we embark on Gorum family outing to Santa Cruz Wharf.

Soularize in Bahamas: like I needed this conference for an excuse. Ang & Rob were in tow to meet up with old friends and new with sun, sand, and spirituality. I also snuck in a little business time to view the new Cove at Atlantis.

My 30th Birthday Trip to Puerto Vallarta & Yelapa: My Happy Reunion with Kendra & Enrique! We had fine dinners and massages and a plethora of fruity poolside drinks at the hotels in Puerto Vallarta. Thanksgiving/My Birthday we went to Enrique's hometown of Yelapa to partake in an appropriate feast combining 2 cultures. There was an overnight backpacking excursion to the waterfalls with net fishing included.

The Holidays: Lani's Birthday Celebration ends at the tattoo parlor where I give her a present of permanency. The Ladies of Foxworthy gather for a holiday outing. NYE was split between a coworkers outdoor fiesta including firecrackers and a mellow house party with one of my oldest friends.

Lizapalooza Evening with the Stars - Saturday, August 4th

2007-07-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

For help with ideas... See Wikipedia!

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

2007-07-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

Monday - ugh! Late night baseball game that left me gimpafied. I pull both hamstrings. Yes both. And this is less than a week from Wharf to Wharf. I am recovering well though so I may be able to still run it.

Tuesday - What the heck did I do last night. I don't remember. Kendra's mom is in town. I guess I just helped Kendra go pick her up from the airport. And then lathered my legs in flex-all and took muscle relaxants that are suppose to knock me out.

Wednesday- How could I pass up Old School playing at San Pedro Square's Open Air Cinema? It was awesome! Jerome & Liz came with me. And while I'm down there, a guy recognizes me and asks if I am Liz from Lizapalooza. Too crazy. He was at my last party. Better yet, he is wearing a shirt that says Mike-a-palooza, as it is his birthday today. And yet even better, we are about to watch old school that features the ever famous party, Mitch-a-palooza. [editor's note: I started Lizapalooza far before I ever saw that movie.] But seriously, it was really all to coincidental.

Visiting the 4 Corners of the Bay Area:

2007-07-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

I feel like I did a whirlwind tour of the Bay this weekend. It started with dancing Friday night in downtown San Jose with Christel. Saturday night brought Faam's birthday dinner in Richmond followed by drinks in Berkeley. The next morning was Sunday brunch with the Spains in Santa Cruz mountains. Then back up north for Sunday night sushi in San Francisco with Lani. It was so much fun all weekend long. I was constantly surrounded by friends having a good time. It was a fantastic weekend.

New in life: I've been recruited to play catcher for my company baseball team. Last night was the first game. I'm sore but it was alot of fun (even though we lost). Was joining the team a strategic career move? Absolutely! They were in dire need of1 more girl or they forfeit. The director of reservations is very grateful.

Yawn

2007-07-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Lizapalooza Fad Fest was rockin' it. So much fun. Best fad: Lyndsie dressed as a my little pony. Fun times: hula hoops, pacman, dancing in the kitchen to Baby Got Back. The fads were great. From grunge to afros to camoflauge, we had it all. And everyone got a kick out of fad giveaways like rubix cubes, koosh balls, and slap bracelets. Party closed up about 5:30am. I already have the theme and date set up for the next one. Save the date: Saturday, August 4th

Work is good but oh my goodness! I've been working alot! 6 days a week gasping for a breath. Last weekend we had a Mexico Trade Show we had to attend and I won 4 nights stay in Puerto Vallarta so I'm excited about that. I think that makes my first official perk of this job.
4th of July... I worked. No kidding. And I was exhausted after not getting enough sleep for the week prior so I crashed out immediately. I woke up in time to catch a fabulous show of fireworks. We were so close. It was amazing.
Today... I'm at work. And exhausted. Last night, I went shopping with Kendra and went a little bezerk. I got clothes and new 460 thread count sheets I'm dying to try out. Then Christel and I went out dancing downtown. Then we met up with some people at the bar. And back to my house for a little after party. Christel and I both had to work this morning so we were ridiculous. But I know how to rally so I covered for her so she could go home.
Tonight I'm excited about going to Faam's birthday celebration. We are bowling! So fun. I have to get my bowling ball out of the garage. Yes, I have my own bowling ball. I had hoped to get off of work early to get her a gift, but alas I have 45 minutes to go and I'm still here. Too bad I'm running on 4 hours of sleep and hava a drive roundtrip drive up to Richmond ahead of me. I think I'll have to force the other Liz to drive while I nap on the way there.

Lizapalooza Fad Fest - Saturday, June 30th

2007-06-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

Need Help with a fad? Check out wikipedia for ideas.

Time To Get Ill

2007-06-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday= damn near perfect day.

I started the morning by winning the internet race to buy 4 beastie boys tickets before they sold out. I am so excited. I can't wait for the show.

And then I headed up to Golden Gate Park for the Alice Summerthing. It was perfect. Laying on a blanket in the sunshine listening to a fabulous line up of Mat Kearney, Everclear, and Smashmouth. I really enjoyed Everclear I think maybe more that Mat Kearney this time. I've seen Mat lots of times but this was the first time I saw everclear. They were amazingly awesome. And it was such a beautiful day out and they had bubble machines on and it was just fun.

Then I had a good dinner in Little Italy where there happened to be a street festival where they had sidewalk chalk artist doing their thing. It was very cool. And the cafe we ate at was delicious.

Back in San Jose we rally some folks to go see Knocked Up. I had already seen it but I laughed so much the first time that I had to see it again. Loved yesterday. I feel ready to return to office life for the week. This weekend was what a weekend is suppose to be... a ton of fun.

Holla!

2007-06-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

Oh, I know it's been forever. And ever. And I hate to just give yet another bulletpoint review, but I feel like catching up is what is best for right now. Although not much is really happening right now so my bulletpoints will look more like organized ramblings.

Love work. It's so much fun planning vacations. I now work direct with clients as well as with travel agents. And I have added Mexico to my list of specialties since the last blog. Itching next for Europe.
Save the date: June 30th. Yes, folks. Foxworthy House Productions is back in planning mode preparing to bring you all a night of fun, friends, and fads. It's Lizapalooza Fad Fest. Come Sporting a memorable past fad. What's a fad? Well, think back to those pictures of you circa a decade or two ago where you are wearing something utterly ridiculous. Remember those MC Hammer pants or the hypercolor gear or your grunge rock plaid phase. Or how about that NKOTB gear you use to so proudly sport. And we'll be rocking some of the best fad music. I think we will all be laughing our asses off at what shows up. [side note: let me know if you have any fad decor I can borrow... lava lamps, door beads, whatever].
Looking for fellow wharf to wharf runners. My roommate, Kendra, was to be my partner in crime for this ultra fun race. But she rolled her foot jumping rope a month ago and it hasn't healed. New diagnosis: it's broken. She has surgury on Tuesday. So let me know if you are running this year because right now I'm solo on this.
What's been fun... catching up with my Utah based rockstar ex who is on his way to fame. The album is on itunes so I suggest checking out this ultra talented guy. I'm so proud of him.
I was in the funk of all funks and in desperate need of saving when low and behold a 7am text message brings light of a heroine to save me. Andrea proposes that I join her that afternoon for a hang gliding. Her rendition and pictures do it more justice than I could give the experience. I'm so thankful I have a friend like her who shows up right when I need saving.
Tonight was a reunion of a past life, my past friends, my past loves. And I didn't let the fact that it was the past hold me back from exuding my future. It was liberating. I talked freely and acted freely. I love the rare opportunities to just not care what others might think and just say and do what you feel. It brings me back to a younger time in my life when I was not scared to be adventurous.

And how have you been?

2007-03-04T00:40:00.000-08:00

And continuing on the reconnecting catching up business, how about a bulletpoint review in no particular order.

My mom got me a bike for my birthday. Sheila and I went for a great bike ride down to Vasona. It was really fun despite being pretty darn cold. I can't wait for better weather.
Right after thanksgiving I started a new job. I work for Classic Vacations, a division of Expedia that deals in luxury wholesale vacations. I was valedictorian of my training group. I'm really enjoying the work. I spend all day working with travel agents planning trips for their clients to Hawaii and Caribbean, my current specialties. I hope to add Mexico to my repetriore next.
LiZac split. Still friends but decided to that miserable wasn't something we could do for the rest of our lives. Now we both tend to be working on balancing happiness and lonliness and defining where the line is when ex-es try to be friends.
School is fine. I'm in a perpetual state of catching up. Lani has been very helpful. My new trick is to stay at the office and do homework for a few hours until the last of them close up shop. By the time I leave it's 7:00 and I still can sneak in some me time.
They say it's best to marry your best friend. Um, but neither myself or my best friend are into each other like that. So my best friend, Carrie, married Shane this past December. I was honored to be in the role of Maid of Honor. It was a beautiful wedding with a gorgeous backdrop. It was a day filled with so many loved ones and dear friends. The reception was so much fun. And the bride... beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. The wedding pictures have been amazing to look at.
Thanksgiving this year was a blast. I had EzRay in from NYC. And the Gorum tribe of Reno staying with me. Couple those foriegners with Zac and my father. That would be cooking thanksgiving dinner for 10 at my house. My first turkey created a commotion when my grand scheme of rotiserrie turkey set the bird a fire. When the flames were put out the bird was transferred to the oven for a more traditional baking process. It turned out fab as the burnt outer layered seared in the moisture and flavor. I was very proud of the bread dough cornacopia I made with a plethora of baked vegetables cascading out of it. It was quite the masterpiece. And then there was the amazing Squash soup that Ray made. A delicious day with family.
January brought the seasons first glipses of snow covered mountains and enough free ambition to send Nate and I heading to the slopes. We had a great weekend in Reno hanging with my family, snowboarding, dining out and catching a comedy show. It was a great time. I hope I can get to the slopes at least one more time this season.
New and Old roommate: Liz. The other Liz. We both lived in the dorms at SJCC back 10 years ago. She was in my core little group of the 5 of us girls who were tight. We road tripped to Arizona for Sheri's wedding after the college days. And then I would just see her here and there. Well, we were always meaning to hang out more, especially once she took a teaching position for a school on the end of my block. Well, it worked out that she had to leave her place and has come to live with me. It's memory lane. It's awesome to have her around. For even in our distances, she has still been a true and sincere friend to me. This has been the 2nd SJCC dorm girl to move in with me. Who's next? Faam? Talicia? Alana?

Well, it's late and I have a community service project early in the morning. I hope I will keep up with some of this blogging now that I've gotten over the gap. Blessings to all.

Tagged

2007-01-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

To log in to blog it asks for my username and password and then there's a little check box below that asks "remember me[?]". I feel like it is more of a question than a command option. My blog sees that I'm back and wonders if I had forgotten all about the three year relationship we've carried on and why it has not heard from me in months. I resolve to try harder to share more. Yes, my dear blog, I do remember you.

What brings me back is being tagged by Rob. The mission is to tell 5 things you likely don't know about me:
1. I almost always prefer to just dance by myself with a large group of people than to dance one on one with a guy.
2. I have an affinity for any type dish that combines meat or fish with some type of fruit. I love that blend of unique sweet and savory.
3. I can speak more Spanish than I let on. I'm embarrassed about how slow and awkward I am and I blank under the pressure of speaking it. So I just pretend I don't speak it at all.
4. When I was a kid I had a speech impediment where my R's sounded like W's (Think Elmer Fudd). I use to lie and say that I was from New York and play it off like an accent. I said I was from Albany (the only other city I new was in NY other than NYC) because if I said I was from NYC people would ask me too many questions.
5. My dad thinks I am jinx his football bets so I know better than to call him on any day during football season that a game might be on. We need a new oven, but I don't dare call him until after superbowl. Just one more week.

Now I pass this on to 5 people. The mission is the same. Tell us 5 things we likely do not know about you.

1. Bean
2. Lani
3. Tom
4. Courtney
5. Duncan
Consider yourselves tagged.

2006-11-20T13:10:00.000-08:00

My friend, Mick is in Cold Hot Crash. They got chosen as one of the final 25 bands to possibly open for Not So Silent Night! They are an awesome band. Please take a second to help them win the #1 spot by going here and rating them!!!
http://live105.imeem.com

Pocahontas & John Smith

2006-10-30T00:14:00.000-08:00

Pocahontas & John Smith
Originally uploaded by lani_tanner.

Lizapalani Halloween Bash - Oct 28th

2006-10-06T02:23:00.000-07:00

2006-09-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

This piece done by a friend, Titus Kaphar, is hitting home right now. I am going through spiritual crisis of sorts in the sense that me and God are fighting. It's painful. Like a bad break up. Where you are all of a sudden painfully aware of the absense of their love and wonder if the whole relationship had been a facade - Have you ever been love or has it all been a lie. It's a struggle to piece it all together, because there are so many missing pieces that don't fit together.

missing the sound of his voice

2006-09-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

All morning I was kinda waiting around for 11:30 because that is when Zac usually takes lunch and calls me. It just kinda seemed like maybe he was just at work and not on the complete other side of the world. I was in the library with the girls around 11:30 when my cell rings with a number in the (281) area code. I answer to hear my sweet love's voice. He's made it to Dubai and is at this place called the Kingdom house where he is staying for the night. A few minutes later my other line is clicking with a number starting in a bunch of 0's. It's clearly international, I click over to find Charity, his sister, on the other line. It's not to often you have Dubai on one line and Sanaa on the other. A quick update with her about his passport success and where abouts and having him call her when we get off the phone. It was short, but very sweet. Very very sweet. Later, the girls and I are leaving the library and heading to the field where they can get their shouts and wiggles out. The phone rings again. He calls back to check in yet again and say goodnight before heading off to bed. How lucky am I. It's kinda like he's not really gone.

Because You All Wanted To Know

2006-09-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

Diamond Fashion Ring in Two-Tone Gold
Originally uploaded by Lizapalooza.

No, I'm not engaged, but you all kept asking about them so here's the up close look at what my sweet love gave to me...

This stylish design features two rings with 26 round diamonds at approximately .69 carat total weight. These brilliant, hand-matched stones are set in a quality 14 karat rose and white gold setting.

I know. I feel like it's the 5th day of Christmas!

Up Off and Away

2006-09-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

Well, he got it done. I was up at 4 am emailing scanned copies of Zac's birth certificate and old passport to my dear cousin bean who printed them up for him so that he could have the cabby swing by her street on his way to the passport office which opened at 7:30 NYC time. It was an adventurous day all in all. Zac's first trip to NYC. It felt like Zac was still here because I talked to him so much. It was definately a team effort. I was on the internet looking up all the times and locations of everyplace he needed to go and together we rummaged together everything he needed for a new passport. I'm very tempted to post a copy of the very bad passport pic that he will be stuck with for the next 10 years. I slept again while that was in process. It was 9am here when I'm back to work mapquesting the Yemen embassy and pulling up the NYC subway system to coordinate directions for Zac, who is a newbie to the city. But alas, a new visa is obtained and he is on schedule to catch his 11pm flight. Finally, able to relax he grabs a late lunch. My dear cousin intercepts him and brings him back to her place for a nap in the foam palace, before boarding the subway once again to get back to JFK. There was a bit where they hadn't located his luggage and for a while I thought it may have gone to Dubai without him, but it got all fixed up. And he's off. He'll land at 10 am tomorrow in Dubai. A 14 hour flight followed by a 12 hour overnight layover in Dubai before he makes the early morning one hour flight over to Sanaa.

Update... Pray for Zac

2006-09-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

Somewhere between TX and NY, Zac lost his passport (with visa stamp inside). It most likely fell out of his pocket on an American Airlines plane. There is nobody answering at the AA counters right now because it is late and they are closed. His flight to Dubai had to leave with out him. He is going to the Emigrants (sp?) Airline counter right now to reschedule his flight. Then he will be attempting to get a new passport and visa in NYC tomorrow. I'm working on contacting some friends we have there to put him up and help him out.

Keep Zac on your hearts right now as he is going through this.

update: flight is rescheduled for tomorrow night at the same time. Now he just needs a new passport or the old one to show up by then.

BooHoo without Zacaroo

2006-09-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm pretty depressive right now. Zac is gone. I dropped him off at the airport this morning. We were running late (of course), so there was no time for a good proper long goodbye. I sit here sulking, and even his calls from his Dallas and NY layovers don't really cheer me up because I'm painfully aware that he isn't calling me from his truck on his way home from work. He's not coming home for 26 days. I didn't do my homework today. I didn't feel like it. I only felt like laying around in bed sulking. And then I stepped on the scale (something I rarely do), and found out I gained weight. I'm going to end up in a depressive chocolate eating funk that will have me gaining pounds and sizes. By the time Zac comes home I'll be so fat he won't even want to be with me anymore. I'm picturing Ben Stiller at the end of Dodgeball.

But I went to the store and bought some vegetables. I have alot of meals planned that I've been procrastinating on cooking. And I should not let myself get barracaded in my room of self pity. So let the planning begin. Let me know if you are interested in helping me do homework (I need babysitting on this or I'll just sit around depressive), rambo cleaning project at Zac's house, hiking, going to 24 hr fitness, swimming, playing games, helping create core convergence powerpoint, or coming over for any of the following meals: homemade pizza, gnocci in squash puree, teriyaki chicken, avocado soup, chicken fajitas, mustard beer shrimp, salmon with red pepper sauce, or pasta of any kind.

My Wide Open Schedule:

Friday, 15th after 7- Hanging with Lani
Sunday, 17th anytime (although I should do homework)
Monday, 18th after 6
Tuesday, 19th anytime
Friday, 22nd - Sunday, 24th - all wide open. Anybody want to take a little trip?
Tuesday, 26th anytime
Wednesday, 27th after 7
Friday, 29th - Wednesday, 4th - freak out with me about finishing final paper and catching up on late assignments.
Friday, 6th anytime - help me celebrate my 9 month anniversary with Zac.
Saturday, 7th- come with to get Zac and maybe we all grab dinner and a show afterwards. I think this is the last night of John Brewers performance. Also going on this night... a JEFFERSON STARSHIP JEFFERSON FAMILY GALACTIC REUNION performance in Pittsburgh that would be awesome to go to.

So anyways, let me know if you are game to hang out, what you want to do, and when you want to do it. Act now. Openings are going fast.

Looking into...

2006-09-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

I think I'll make my way up north for this. Also looking to see if I can make a trip to TX a reality in the next few weeks. And thinking about Bakersfield and maybe San Diego.

Time For Another Famous Bulletpoint Review

2006-09-05T23:46:00.000-07:00

Labor Day Weekend was spent backpacking through Ansel Adams Wilderness to 1,000 Island Lake. Apparently, I've never hiked through the sierras and had never ever experienced altitude sickness. But at 10,000 ft I got my first experience with these symptoms: Dizziness, Loss of appetite, Shortness of breath, Disturbed sleep, General feeling of malaise , Severe headache that is not relieved by medication, Nausea and vomiting, increasing weakness and fatigue, Decreased co-ordination (ataxia). Special thanks to Tom & Louis who carried a lot of the weighty items in my pack on the way down to spare me. And to Zac who was caring for me to the extent of burying my barf. Gross I know. What a keeper he is!
Biblical Interpretation Crisis Overcome. With the help of such dedicated friends as Lani, Josh, and Zac and with the mercy of Professor Lee, I managed a B on the final that was causing my destruction just weeks ago. And for the whole class... a B-. Not bad given the number of assignments not turned in at the end. Good Job Team! Thanks to all those who were so understanding and provided emotional support for my breakdown! You all rock!
Zac is leaving me. Not for good. For Yemen. To visit his sister. For 26 days. And this departure occurs in just a week. Join me in cramming a whirlwind of prayer around this venture for both Zac and his sister. There is so much to do. We are trying to cram in hanging with friends, having quality time dates, packing, and tackling a huge to do list before he leaves. And what will I do while he is away? Get good grades. Travel to far away churches. Reconnect with friends who claim to be ditched for the boyfriend. Catch up with netflix. Reorg my life.
Good bye Keiko & Mariam. Hello Lyndsie & Crystal. Roommate swap. I am once again sporting a full house. Kendra is here of course as my faithful garden buddy. And now two new additions join. We are still getting acclimated.
Andrea is back! I really missed her this summer. It was cool to see her pics from all her traveling. I'm so jealous. And we celebrated her birthday with a quaint private dinner followed by a surprise ice cream social that brought throngs of yellow followers to see the legend in the flesh... tan flesh.
Enjoying... weddings, candy, flipping the calendar month, my food target chart, cherry tomatoes, kisses, the first of the month, pita pockets, the park, disposable cameras, lala, doing the dishes, harvesting the garden, salads, rings (plural), mineral hotspring showers, green tea, trader joes, and a plethora of wittiness.

I'm hating life

2006-08-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. I'm tired of school, work, being broke, being stuck here, not hearing from God, not having the answers, having purpose but no direction, looking for roommates, having to get out of bed. I don't want to deal with life. I need a vacation. This summer of unemployment was no vacation as I sat broke, consumed with financial worries, waiting for checks, and being bound to this state by mandatory weekly classes. Now it is fall and I've had no relaxation, no escape. I am overwhelmed. I am painfully aware at how unsuccessfully I am handling life. On paper it looks like I should be making enough, but in reality I am not. Why doesn't my pocketbook match up with my budget. I rarely buy anything these days. And I'm complaining about money because I'd rather obssess over that than deal with the problem at hand... my final paper. It is 16 of the 31 assignments due at 6:00 tonight. I have 8 hours of which I will be working, to attempt to distract the kids long enough to put enough logical thoughts down on paper to appease my professor to give me a passing grade (despite the fact that I won't be turning in the other 6 assignments that I am behind. This system isn't working for me. This double work week gets me feeling like I am behind when I start a class, and then I never catch up. I hate existing right now. I deperately need a carefree moment.

Inspiring Me Today

2006-08-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Soliton20068_2006073.JPG
Originally uploaded by robspain.

Drawing Near to Darkness by Os Hillman, August 22, 2006

The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. - Exodus 20:21

Like the nation of Israel, we are each called to the mountain of God, but few are willing to pass through the darkness to get there. God wanted to reveal His glory to the children of Israel, but they were afraid to enter into His presence. They only wanted to know about God, rather than know him personally like Moses did. This grieved the heart of God.

Why wouldn't the people of Israel risk entering the darkness if it meant being in the presence of God? What did the people fear?

Perhaps they had fears like each of us. The fear of the unknown. The fear of what might happen. The fear that God might not like what He sees. Or, perhaps even the greatest fear: the fear of darkness itself and what lies behind that darkness.

Many of us have been satisfied to hear about God from God's messengers. But there is a greater calling for each of us-a calling to enter into His presence. Sometimes entering into His presence means we enter through an unexpected door-a door that appears to have nothing good behind it.

We do not need to fear entering the presence of God even if it means entering through a period of darkness. Above all else we must believe that God is a God of love. If He calls us into darkness in order to enter His presence, then that darkness will become an entry to new levels of relationship with a God who longs for fellowship with you and me.

My Good Samaritan Story

2006-08-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

Becky Streckel lives in a downtown Chicago apartment complex with her fiancé, Tom. She is a young piano teacher who gives lessons out of their house, while Tom works late hours at his engineering firm. With paper thin walls, the neighbors often hear the sweet melodious sounds of Becky playing piano in the evening. A Mormon Bishop named John Carrow lives with his wife below the Steckels. They enjoy listening to Becky’s performance over their after dinner tea.

Above the Steckels lives Patricia, a single mother of 2 young boys who works as a social worker at a home for the elderly. Patricia always thought Becky’s soothing performance help lullaby her boys to sleep.

The Steckels have another neighbor who they don’t know about. Ken is hardly ever seen and never acknowledge when seen. It has been about 2 years since Ken had been paroled. Never quite growing accustomed to living a legitimate life, he soon found himself struggling to keep a job and sleeping in an unlocked gardening shed in an alley along side the Steckel’s apartment complex. He walks the streets during the day begging for money, scavenging for food, and evading police who would find his current situation a breach of his parole. When darkness approaches, Ken returns to the shed to escape the chaos and cold of the city. He finds amazing peace as he lays there listening to Becky’s music flow out their open window.

On this particular Fall evening, the neighborhood was settling into it’s quite ritualistic hum. Becky opened her favorite playbook and picked a slow solemn song to start with. Hearing the intro, reminded Mrs. Carrow below that it was time to put the kettle on for their evening tea. When Patricia heard the melodies rise up through the floorboards, she took a moment to pause from getting the kids’ pajamas out of the drawer. Ken unrolled his mat he kept tucked away in the shed and left the shed door cracked just a bit to listen.

Becky’s fiancé, Tom, had been recently denied a promotion at work. Bitterness had been filling him where once there was self assuredness. His job lost satisfaction for him as he felt incompetent, fearful, and unappreciated. Furthermore, money was tight. Earlier in the day, Tom had been forced into being a scapegoat for an unfinished project by his boss. When he came home, his tone was sharp and his temper short. As he entered the living room of their 2nd floor apartment, Becky’s playing abruptly stopped and was replaced with the unpleasantries of arguing.

Below, the Carrow’s squirmed uneasily in their chairs trying to ignore the bickering above. The sipped their tea nervously. They heard a male voice growing louder and louder. Then there was a *smack* followed by a *thud*. Mrs. Carrow jumped in her seat, her eyes open large as she looked to John for reassurance. Surely as a Mormon Bishop, he had dealt with couples in these situations before. John assured her that he would call the police if it continued. But then it seemed to be over. There was the sound of the door slamming followed by stomping footsteps echoing down the stairwell. John said, “I think it’s alright now” as he flipped on the radio to drown out the crying coming from above.

Likewise, Patricia had been concerned by the noise coming from the apartment below. She was shocked to hear the progression of the climatic fight. She nervously scanned the boys who were finally asleep. She feared if it would wake them if it continued. Although she was a social worker, she didn’t come across cases like this in the elderly field in which she worked. When she heard the door slam, she thought to herself that if she ever heard them fight like that again, she would make a call to a social worker friend who worked at a battered women’s shelter. She worried that the echoing sounds of weeping rising up from below would infiltrate her sweet children’s dreams. She put on a quiet peaceful lullaby CD to cover the cries and tip-toed out of their room.

Ken shivered from the coldness out in the gardening shed. When the fighting began, he contemplated shutting the cracked door for more warmth. But he couldn’t seem to stop listening. He winced at the sound of the impactful hit. He was overcome with compassion at that moment. Not long after he saw Tom emerge from the building scowling as he stomped down the sidewalk and around the corner. He looked up to the second story window where sad sounds of sobbing escaped into the brisk night air. Ken thought of church downtown where he sometimes was able to get a meal. They also ran a shelter for women and children. He put on his shoes and buttoned his coat closing the shed door behind him.

Ken was nervous as he entered the building and climbed the stairwell. He knew that he wasn’t supposed to be inside the complex. The residents would disapprove. They may even call the police. He no longer passed as a normal person, as his appearance had grown so disheveled over the months without the ability to launder himself or his clothes. He felt ashamed of himself, as he approached the east facing apartment of 2b. His knock at the door startled the cries inside.

Becky frantically wiped her tears and blew her nose. She pulled her sweater sleeve to cover the still red marks on her arm where Tom had held her so forcefully. Her stomach turned as she felt that surely whoever was at the door would judge her. Again there was a light knock. She glanced at herself in the entry mirror and knew she would be fooling nobody. She cracked the door a few inches and peered out into the hallway where she found Ken’s kind eyes of concern and compassion.

“Maam, are you alright?” Ken stammered. “I don’t mean to pry but I kind of heard your argument and I thought maybe you needed checking. My name is Ken.” The kindness melted Becky’s façade as she began to cry again. She pulled the door open to this stranger and turned to stumble to her piano bench where she collapsed in her tears. Ken hesitantly followed her in. Becky expressed her hopelessness as her family was out in Boston and she had nobody to turn to for help. Ken told her about the Sisters of St. Francis shelter down on 8th and Turner assuring her that he was positive they’d know how to help her. Becky feared being home when Tom returned. She knew she must leave but she was scared. Ken knew that the 20 block walk to downtown would be insufferable for him as the cold wind would be sure to cut through his deteriorated thin coat and chill him to the bone, but he could see that Becky was in no shape to go this alone. He turned and grabbed her coat, scarf, and hat that hung on a hook by the door. She gratefully rose to her feet and allowed him to help her weak and aching body into her overcoat. She grabbed her purse and locked the door behind them, never to return to apartment 2b again. As she leaned on Ken for those 20 blocks, she was not once bothered by his stench.

2006-08-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

This weekend was mighty. Friday night I went to see the latest new flick by Mr. Shamaylan, which I really enjoyed. I went with my roommate Kendra, who happens to be one of my most favorite people to go to movies with. The reason being is that she provides this very entertaining side show of how enthusiastically she interacts with the film. The girl will scream, literally jump out of her seat and practically into my lap, laugh at the top of her lungs at even lame jokes, and hide behind me. It's hilarious fun to watch her. She really enjoys her movie experience. She enjoys most everything in life. It's very refreshing to catch her in this perspective. I wish my life experiences left me as energized as hers do.

Saturday I went through Pampered Chef 101. I am debating becoming a consultant. (Anybody want to host a show?) Anyways, It was hours at a consultant training session and then stayed after to question the director about every aspect of consultancy. Now I am at the point of questioning myself about how much time and energy I have to commit to this even on a short term. It is easy to commit now as I feel an abundance of free time. However, starting next week I get 2 more work days added to my weekly calendar. And then there are already a plethora of weeknight functions and obligations that I am involved with or desiring to participate in. Do I have time for one more thing and at what cost?

Saturday night was such great fun. Foxworthy Fondue Feast... Liz on cheese. Lisa on chocolate. Dipping platters were filled to the brim with all sorts of goodness. Appropriately, we had Chocolat playing on the screen. What a terrific spiritual movie!

Sunday morning church shopping landed us at Life Church. It was the small no resource close knit community that I have been raised in. It was healing and I scored an awesome Bible out of it. The opening page reads: What is the effect when you read the pages of this book? That is to say perhaps nothing.

Our afternoon led us to the mall to cash in on free panties. But along the way we encountered a woman clearly bent and bitter on life, yet in this stunning denial. She hid behind strength and although needing comfort, she refused any kindness offered to her. She filled our minds with prayers for her. We got the panties, had some lunch, and went on our way hoping our friend would have the breakdown she clearly needed soon.

My Mailbox Psalm

2006-07-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

Thank you Lord for this blessed day.
Thank you Lord getting me to this day.
Thank you for the day of blessed Pay.

Finally after months of waiting in pure agony, my financial aid refund check has come in. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
It has been so tough being unemployed and having this check be extra late on top of it. I want to thank all who were so supportive of me while I was on the brink of financial combustion.

*my acceptance speech*
Thank you to my friends who took me out to movies and lunches and paid for everything. I want to thank Zac for slipping that $7 dollars back into my purse when he thought I wasn't looking. And also for pulling some miracle work on getting my account out of negative while I was backpacking and completely unaware. I want to thank Mike for lending me money when I was once again facing overdrawn charges. I want to thank the Spains for their patience with me not getting them my money for Soliton yet. Oh, and I have to thank Rene who doesn't make much money at all for always trying to give me gas money and stuff. And I want to thank my aunt Linda who prayed for me to find work. I thank the WJU faculty for putting up with my neurotic phone calls of desperate attempt to find out where the money was. I did my best to handle it with grace while fighting the utter panic I was in. I want to thank my dad for tolerating the fact that my I haven't yet paid 70% of July's rent. And I have to thank my cousin Kim who must have stopped cashing the weekly checks I sent her about 4 months ago because now every Friday I get $40 life saving bucks put back into my account because the 3 month expiration date has passed. I have to give a shout out to Ford Motor Company for giving me an extension, because that was the bill I was most worried about not paying on time. I have to thank Satinder down at Wells Fargo by my house for letting me int the bank at 6:05 yesterday to deposit a little money to keep me from bounceville. God put you all in my path to help me out along the way when I was struggling. I have a BIG check in my hands and I started work yesterday. Thinks look hopeful. Thank you all. I wouldn't have made it without you.
Thank you!

I'm off to the bank now. Today is homework day, but tomorrow is bill paying day. Yeah!!!

Icky Sicky

2006-07-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I slept all day long. Not in a good way though. I was extremely ill. Awake time was filled with moaning, bathroom runs, and profuse vomitting. Zac came over to take care of me. He was fabulous. I started to feel better right before he left. Feeling better means being able to get out of bed. I wondered if I would be up all night seeing that I slept all day. I finished watching a movie I had started a few days ago and then was able to go back to sleep. I slept all through the night too. And I know I need to eat something seeing that I didn't eat yesterday, but I'm not that interested in anything I have in my house.

Another Bulletpoint Review

2006-07-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

Next weekend I am running the Wharf to Wharf 10K that I am completely unprepared for.
Highlight of the week was going to a free volunteer based tax clinic to have my taxes reviewed where they realize a $500 error in my last return and did my state taxes for me. It's a great organization... website: http://www.vita-volunteers.org/
Zac and I have reached this schetchy 6 month marker of our relationship where we break up and get back together and continuously contemplate whether we should be together. Current status: On, but contemplating.
I took my 16 year old neice backpacking up to Sykes in Big Basin. It was alot of fun and some good time to just chill. She is so smart and perceptive. And I was incredibly proud of her for being tough and dealing with nature even if it meant mosquito bites in unnatural places and constant avoidance of the overpopulating poison oak.
School is pushing me to figure out Core Convergence stuff which is great. I've made some great headway on areas of it that I hadn't been able to face yet like finalizing its purpose statement and its operation model and a growth plan from how to implement it's functions in the beginning phase when it will not have a building. I look forward to sharing my findings and discoveries soon.
I'm in the midst of what I call Double Work Week. There is a one week span when I am wrapping up doing the final research paper for one course and have to simultaneously prepare the first weeks work for the next course. Will I make it? I don't know. I think writing this 10 page research paper will be testing for me. I like the smaller busy work better. Plus I like to start things but have a phobia about finishing things. So right now I am much more apt to to the work for my next class rather than wrap up the work for my last class.
This morning was my last Sunday at church. I will be doing Wharf to Wharf the final Sunday. So we took everything down from the interactive mural and repainted the wall back to white. It felt like a very normal church building this morning. It's too bad I will miss the last Sunday because I'm really more prepared to finish well with the church than to finish well with the race I'll be at instead.
Job suckage... as in no job. It's very Job. So I lost 2 out of 3 of my clients that I had waiting on me while I went to pursue the other amazing opportunity that fell into my lap. Well, I didn't get the amazing opportunity either. So now I have just one small job that doesn't start for another month and will only be 2 days a week. It is totally not enough to pay the bills, but I'm in a bind. I'm working on alternative income plans. In the meanwhile, thank God my old boss called me up out of the blue needing some sporadic summer help. I'm just counting down until Friday when hopefully I will get my financial aid check. It's too bad the last month of unemployment has it basically already spent.
Can't wait for the Soliton Conference. It's just a few weeks away. It's going to be great. Think about coming and let me know if you decide you will. We are trying to rally 12 of us so we can get a discount on registration. It was great last year. Here is the link to my blog about last year's conference. And that link will lead you to links of flickr pictures of it all.

How My Major Strength Relates to a Life Goal

2006-07-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

So many people wander through life without a life goal. I define a life goal as your life’s purpose. Many people have temporary or even long-term goals or resolutions, but it is rare in today’s society that people live by purpose. I was living purposeless until 2004 when I began reading Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. By day two of the program I had discovered my life purpose. It took accepting that my life was not a mistake and embracing the person God created me to be and the path He’s led me on. Then I was able to see that in just being me, I serve a purpose to breakdown stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding being Christian. All my God-given strengths aid me in this process as I counter societal assumptions about Christian faith. The most damaging myths are that Christians think they are perfect, that Christians are all judgmental, and that becoming Christian means changing who you are. These commonly believed myths deter people from understanding the good news of Christ. They contradict the message that He died for. My life’s purpose is to help differentiate between the message of religion and the message of Christ.

One of the most detrimental myths floating among our non-believing population is that Christians think that they are perfect. Another spin on this is that Christians are supposed to be perfect. Neither of these statements is true. It is because we are so aware of out imperfections that we cling to the grace and salvation Christ offers. I can be quoted as frequently saying, “If I was perfect, then I wouldn’t need Christ. I would be able to save myself.” This myth is fueled oddly by non-Christians and Christians alike. Sadly, both parties suffer by the continuation of this myth. Christians reinforce it when they hide their sin and live duplicitous lifestyles. Instead of being humble in their mistakes, some go to great lengths to keep their sins secret. They disservice themselves because they don’t get the prayer and support they need to fight their battle with sin. It is also a disservice to their fellow Christians because it sets an unrealistic and false example to strive towards perfection. It leads non-believers to falsely believe they are not good enough to be Christian and that they have to fix themselves before coming to Christ. Other non-believers see the duplicity and come to the generalization that Christians are hypocrites. They are turned off by the religious people and miss the message of love our faith is to stand for. They also apply more pressure to Christians by hyper-examining their every flaw to pinpoint the hypocritical status. It makes being a Christian difficult and undesirable. My restorative solution for curing this myth is to be an example on non-duplicitous Christian living. My communication strength allows me to be comfortable being honest about my most shameful mistakes. There in the darkest areas of my life that are so tempting to hide is where God’s love and grace radiates the most. It suits my includer strength to be relatable as a fallible Christian.

An equally as damaging myth circulating our society is that Christians are judgmental. One afternoon I sit in the hammock in the backyard keeping my roommate company while she tends to our organic garden. She explains to me that she isn’t scared of my church. She is scared of what all those people think about her as she walks in the building. She wonders if they are judging her for not being a Christian or not going to church. It is so sad that somewhere along her life she has come to this conclusion and now lives in fear of Christians judging her. I attempt to explain to her, “You know that Christians are followers of Jesus Christ. Well, we are called to be Christ-like. When Jesus Christ was on earth, He was not going around judging and condemning people. He was all about love and showing mercy, compassion, and grace. He was the epitome of love to the point of sacrificing his own life for the love of the people. Christians are called to have that same passion to love people.” I believe that this myth has its roots in Christians who are publicly trying to affect the world instead of affecting the people in the world. There are many Christians and religious organizations that use political and social means to seek changes based on their Christian principles. These efforts often come across as Christians damning society rather than caring for the individuals within that society by evangelizing in love to affect their hearts. We can’t expect a non-Christian world to live by Christian principles. They must first choose to follow Christ as a leader before they will desire to follow Christ’s rules. My restorative strength leads me to reverse this mindset by focusing on showing Christ’s love to non-believers. I break their expectation of being a judgmental Christian who is taking count of their wrong doings. Through my communication strength, I focus on never speaking a judging word towards others. I strive to be loving and accepting of non-believers. They seem to appreciate having someone they can come to with their questions about faith without being judged or lectured. I leave it up to the Spirit to convict their hearts to change.

Another myth regarding this faith is that becoming a Christian means changing who you are. Non-believers can be threatened by the transformation of becoming a Christ-follower because they think it involves losing their identity when really it is about embracing it and redefining it within the story of Christ’s redemption. While on the phone with my best friend, she says, “Well, isn’t it really about changing who you are?” I respond, “No, it’s not.” She gives the example, “If a man steals, then he is a thief. Isn’t he called to change who he is?” The label of a thief is something society may label him, but it is not his identity. His identity is that his name is “Robert” and he is a caring father who likes bike riding and feels compassion towards cripples. His identity is that which Christ has created him to be. There is no doubt that we are called to change some of our behaviors and priorities, but we are not called to change who we are. Being Christian is just being a version of you that loves God. God purposely created each person the way they are for a reason. “Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as he decided long ago.” (Eph 1:11) I think that the message people don’t hear from Christians is that it’s okay to be themselves. Their mistakes are no different than our mistakes. Also nobody should have their identity based on their sins, but rather in the person that Christ sees them to be. Repairing the effects of this myth starts with seeing people through the eyes of the Father. The Creator is honored when we respect the individuality of others and credit God with the uniqueness of their creation. My includer strength leads me to abandon society’s labels that isolate individuals and adopt Christ’s labels for them. I testify to this option by staying loyal to who Christ has made me to be and letting my individuality be witness to God’s plan for my life.

All of these myths distract from the real meaning and purpose of our faith message. “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” (1 John 4:16) God is love. Jesus Christ is love exemplified for us to see. We are called to be Christ-like meaning that we should also be an example of love. Christians who give only conditional love to those fitting their prerequisites miss the point. We are called to love all as Christ loves all - unconditionally and sacrificially. God shaped me for this type of love. I see my life as a specialized key designed for one lock which is my life purpose. Every experience, strength, and weakness is part of my identity in Christ that carves out the key to perfectly fit the lock I was created for.

Introducing Art Worship

2006-06-21T10:28:00.001-07:00

Assignment: Assume that you intend to introduce a change in an arena where you have influence. Using Krathwohl's Taxonomy, outline things you could do to implement each of the five stages of his Taxonomy in that situation, and then briefly describe what evidence you could cite for having achieved that step.

A change that I hope to introduce among Bay Area Christians is an embracing acceptance for art worship. Art worship is simply the act of worshipping God through your artistic abilities. This may be in the form of painting, poetry, pottery, dance, drawing, music, collages, or whatever. I seek to break the mold that leads to music and money being the primary ways to worship God. I will use Krathwohl's Taxonomy of the Affective Domain to outline an action plan to how I hope to bring this change about. I will give examples of how my plan will initiate and accomplish each of the five phases of receiving, responding, valuing, organizing and characterizing.

Receiving
Exposure
I believe that the receiving stage of the process is the most important stage. Much is determined by a person's first interactions with a concept. First introductions will most likely come in the form of exposure. I will be display Spirit-inspired art worship pieces in my home, churches, and out in the community. This gives people an opportunity to interact with the story of Christ in another way. It is ideal as a low confrontation witnessing tool. The art tells a story of the creator's experience with their faith. It gives the viewer a glance at their spiritual journey. Because the art is divinely inspired, Christ will often use the art to bring up feelings regarding their own spiritual journey. Exposure leads people to comment or ask questions, which let's me know they have received the concept and opens the door for me to lead them deeper in.

Explaining the Creative Process
I plan to explain the creative process of art worship whenever possible. Sharing what inspired a piece of work often brings another meaning to their interpretation of the creation. Inspiration frequently will come from hearing a sermon or receiving a vision from the Lord. Sometimes the Lord will teach me a life lesson that so impacts my heart, that I am compelled to honor it by sharing it with the world using artistic means. Other times I will enter into a planned art worship session. I begin these by praying to God that He would provide me with inspiration and prepare my heart to receive whatever message He would have me convey through my art. During this prayer time I dedicate the session and all art that may come out of it to be to His glory. Then I might read some scripture or play some worship music or review some sermon notes while I create. To me, art acts like a visual parable of God's love.

Biblical Explanation
People often are hesitant to be open-minded to new things within the church, unless you can provide them with some Biblical backing. I will usually pass this information along by doing a sermon series or posting some blogs regarding art as an acceptable act of worship to God. Eventually this information will probably also be in pamphlet form as well. The Bible says in Exodus 35:31-33 "And he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts- to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood and to engage in all kinds of artistic craftsmanship". God created us each uniquely with different skills and talents. There is no reason God should need to create us so uniquely, unless He planned to interact with us each uniquely in our own gifts and abilities.

Responding
Art Worship Workshops
Perhaps, some will take the introduction to art worship and jump into experimenting with this worship style at home. After all, it is not unusual that worship bring us to a deep intimate and private space with God. Others seeking a guided introductory experience may attend art worship workshops. The layout is similar to my personal planned art worship sessions having an opening prayer, scripture reading, and praise music. To further assist in inspiration, often a spiritual theme or topic will be presented for pondering or discussion.

Fear as a Hindrance
A common hindrance to the responding stage will be an individuals fear that they are not creative beings or that their artistic skills are not good enough to participate in worshipping in this style. To help them overcome these fears, I have two options. The first is to be open and encouraging of whatever talents they do have. Perhaps, there is another artistic medium they would prefer to worship through, such as film or photography or graphics. All mediums are welcomed.

Art Classes
Secondly, I plan to offer art classes at no cost when possible. Some may be very interested in developing this worship style, but feel a need to improve their techniques to better portray their God-inspired art. Also, people may be drawn in simply because everybody loves something for nothing.

Field Trips
Others will never participate in a creating capacity. For them, I offer art awareness. I will plan field trips to art exhibits, galleries, and museums. An individual may be gifted in operating as an interpreter of art. The Lord may use the art we see on field trips to reveal knowledge to a person or impress on their heart a divine message that they are meant to share with others. It is my experience that God uses the process of creating, the art piece itself, and the interpretations of the piece all equally.

Valuing
Recognition
To initiate the stage of valuing, I believe recognition is key. Through sharing their art worship with others, the participants grow into accepting their role as an artist. They are rewarded by witnessing the reactions and interpretations of the viewers have of their worship. They are given the opportunity to see God work through their creation. They also feel like a contributing member of something bigger. In their recognition is also the the opportunity to become part of the educational process of exposing others to the whole concept of art worship.

Art Shows
I create the recognition scenario through art shows. This is a time for participants to use their art to share with others their own spiritual journeys. Their accomplishments are recognized and fill their purpose in spiritually inspiring their viewers.

Large Scale Art Projects
I also find that the valuing effect can be initiated by large scale art projects. I recently worked with my home group to create a large interactive mural taking up a whole wall of our church sanctuary. This bonded the group as we worked towards a united purpose to inspire our congregation in an artistic way. Participants were excited to share their inspired contributions. Even those who were not creatively active participants on the project came to assist with base painting the background, shopping for supplies, and providing props on loan from their homes. It truly became a group effort. And week after week it inspires the congregation to expand their styles of worship. In large scale art projects, participants value being part of a team. They feel supported in their creativity. There is also a commitment to the team and to the project. This leads to valuing. Valuing can be perceived in an individual's willingness to further participate in other large scale art worship projects.

Organizing
Project Leaders
To convert art worship into one of an individual's primary worship styles, I turn them into experts in their field. This means assigning roles of responsibility to those who are actively participating in art worship. I will seek people to lead art worship teams, to direct large scale art worship projects, to teach art classes, guide art worship workshops, or run introductory art worship exercises for children in Sunday School classes, VBS, and summer camps. There will be leaders to set up art worship tables with supplies for use during the church service worship time. These volunteer roles give them a way to grow the cause by contributing to educating others. They also have the opportunity to share with others how art worship has personally impacted the way they learn from and communicate with God.

Membership
Another form of commitment will come from membership in the Core Convergence art group that offers supplies, exposure, resources, and support in exchange for volunteer time and membership dues. Art worship takes on a dual purpose as Core Convergence auctions off art worship pieces at fundraiser to promote social awareness and fund global outreach efforts.

Characterizing
Identity
Participants at this stage now identify with the title of artist, and perhaps even art worshipper. They have fully embraced art worship as one of their primary habits of worship. They are leaders of influence within art worship circles. Further characterizing will occur by recognition as they frequently produce more art worship pieces and receive more and more exposure. Also aiding in the process will be calling some artists into title positions such as Creativity Director, Resident Artist, and Youth Art Coordinator. This stage will be apparent as people begin to find their purpose in artistry and creative expression.

Group Definement
To clinch the transition, we may change the community's self description to correlate the purpose of art for Christ or change the community name to relay the new direction or focus. For example, Core Convergence is a spiritual community that uses artistic means to seek growth in Christ and promote social awareness.

How does Krathwohl’s Affective Taxonomy relate to attitude or worldview change?

2006-06-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

It is said that it takes 21 days to form or break a habit. But what does it take to form or break a worldview? Krathwohl’s Taxonomy of the Affective Domain is an extraordinary process outlook on how worldviews and attitudes are changed. This process institutes change by impacting an individual’s assumptions, values, and commitments. The affective taxonomy is powerfully effecting to all worldviews regardless of whether it leads to healthy or destructive attitudes. I believe a fair amount of questioning is good at every stage to be sure that one is not adopting a destructive or false worldview.

From the time of birth our minds begin to develop our worldviews. Our initial worldviews are shaped by the assumptions about the world we make throughout life. These views are heavily impacted by your environment and experiences. What you are told by what you deem a reliable source, your personal experiences, and your observations of how your community operates all help form your views about the world. Some of these assumptions will be truthful and others will be false. Holding false assumptions can be destructive to how an individual perceives and participates in the world. For example, foster children often develop the view that they cannot trust adults because that is what their experience with their parents led them to assume. Even when these children are placed in wonderful foster or adoptive homes with very caring and providing adults, the foster children will frequently still resort to stealing, sneaking, and cheating the adults in their lives. These children are still operating on the false assumption that all adults cannot be trusted. Krathwohl’s Affective Process works by changing these attitudes. A foster child is told countless times that they are safe now and are promised the love and care they may not have received before. They receive this information, and as with every change of assumption, a stage of questioning and testing begins for the individual to determine whether their old or their new assumption is the true one. The testing stage could be identified as part of the responding stage of the Affective Taxonomy Process. These first two stages surround assumptions and knowledge. It is vital to test all new knowledge before accepting it as truth and thus beginning to change one’s worldview.

A person’s value system is comprised of the assumptions and views a person holds most important to their lives. Examples would be the assumption that honesty is the best policy and that one should treat others how they would like to be treated. Your values impact your participation in the world. Returning to our case scenario, it is often found that the values of foster children are mostly self-centered. Their value systems tilt this way based on the assumption that they can only depend upon themselves. Krathwohl’s valuing stage of the process is when commitment or involvement occurs. Perhaps, the foster child may stop stealing food in the faith that they will not go without their next meal. Their habits change to incorporate trusting their caregivers. This trial run of trust is part of valuing their change in worldview.

Our commitments and allegiances involve much investment to which it is wise to be sure our investments are secure. A secure foundation has been proven at this point in the process as the new assumption has been received, responded to with questioning and testing, and then given a trial run through valuing. In the Affective Taxonomy’s next stage of organizing, the assumption is given a long-term commitment. A foster child may step out of the safety of their self-centered world to invest love and commitment to others. They may feel safe forming attachments to caregivers and others tested and proven stable and reliable. They may conform to being part of a family or a community and begin to seek the good of the whole rather than just what is good for them. Giving love and investing emotion is the greatest currency of commitment a foster child has to offer. Through this process, the child reverses their original assumption that all adults cannot be trusted. Their new assumption is that some adults can be trusted and relied on. This stage in Krathwohl’s process is called characterizing. Their identity in the world changes to incorporate the belief. They assume the identity of family member, neighbor, and global citizen rather than solo entity.

Taking much more than the 21 days to form or break a habit, a worldview takes an extreme growing process. Krathwohl outlined this process in this Affective Taxonomy as receiving, responding, valuing, organizing and characterizing. This process starts by affecting an individual’s assumptions, then their values, followed lastly by their commitments. As shown with our scenario of the foster child, not all assumptions, values, and commitments are healthy. Worldviews should be questioned and put to test when possible to be sure they are worthy of belief and commitment. Unhealthy worldviews can damage not only one’s self, but also their environment, and the worldviews of others around them. No one person should assume that their set of assumptions is exempt from falsity. We should never be closed minded to the idea that we may be wrong in our views. Not everything we know, hear, read or see will be truth. It is a lifelong process to test our assumptions, and as a result, our worldviews are ever changing and always taking new shape. It is our responsibility to strive to turn assumptions into facts by way of seeking Truth.

Philippians 2:2-11

2006-06-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

The summary of this passage can be found in verse 5 when Paul states that "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus". He then goes on to provide five attitudes of Christ that correlate with his earlier calling for the followers of Philipi.

1. Jesus did not try to be equal with God. Paul calls us to be Christ-like in this manner when he commands us to "consider others better than [our]selves" (v.3).

2. Jesus made Himself nothing. He humbled himself. Paul affirms our need to be Christ-like by saying that we should be "in humility" (v.3). He also emphasizes this attitude by requesting that we "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit" (v.3). Furthermore, we learn from verse 4 that we are to humble ourselves by putting our own interests aside for the interest of others.

3. Jesus took the "nature of a servant". Much of what Paul called the Philippians to do defines the very nature of what a servant is. Servants "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit" (v.3), but do everything for the interest of their master. They consider their master better than themselves (v.3). For this reason, they seek the interest of others over their own (v.4).

4. Jesus was "made in human likeness"(, but was also "in the form of God"). This brings to mind that in our human form, we have all been created "in the image of God"(Gen 1:27). To be in likeness to Christ requires that we be "like-minded"(v.2). Christ shared with the Father the "same love"(v.2), which we are also called to share in. That love is for people. While in His form of human likeness, Christ exemplified what it was His "spirit and purpose"(v.2) was. His spirit was a devotion to God and His purpose was love and compassion for people. Paul calls us to adopt the same.

5. Jesus was "obedient to death". Jesus found the will for obedience because he was sent by His Father and Master to be a loving servant in death for the people (v.7). This was achieved by being "one in spirit and purpose"(v.2) with His Heavenly Father and having the "same love"(v.2) for those He was sent to serve with His death. We are called to the same with our lives. We are to be obedient to the cause that Christ has put on our hearts, the cause that we share with Him... Each other.

Helter Skelter

2006-06-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

Seeing as I am all obsessed with school and I never get time to leisurely write in my blog anymore, it has been requested that I start posting my school work on here to keep you up to date with what I'm doing at least.

But we'll try to give you the quick points in life first:

A special thank you to everyone who has been worked to make hot tub dreams a reality. Zac, Rob, Travis, Thomas, Kendra, Myra, and a special thank you to Mike, the hot tub owner who not only helped us load it but came to my house later to help unload it. The thing is huge. We destroyed a ton of the siding in the process, but that will be fixed. Zac with the help of Mike A. has been wewiring for 220 connection. It's almost all done.
School so far is good. My cohort is pretty small... just 7 of us. This particular class I am in is called Strategies for Success and I've really enjoyed it thus far. There has been alot of intraspective evaluations about my own strengths and goals and mission if life. I learned that my top 5 strengths are that I am Restorative (fixing problems), Futuristic (visionary looking forward), Competitive, Includer (rallys everybody - no one left out), and Communication (which I disagree with given that I avoid most focused conversations). And every week I have breakdowns about the smallest assignments that are due online mid-week. Thank you to Aimee, Carrie, Zac, Angela, and Mike A. who have nursed me through and babysat me in my crisis over writing a one page essay. I know you can't wait for my 10 page final paper to be due next month.
I am currently unemployed. I am revisiting the forever debate between childcare or corporate. Playdates or Paydays. Career or Kiddies. So I have nanny clients lined up ready to start. I have 3 clients whose schedules will work together to provide me free time up the ying yang as well as enough money to pay the bills. I'd have no stress other than school, and honestly isn't school enough? But on the other hand, came an invitation to apply for a great job of career magnitude doing work I love for a company I love. I am a little lacking on all their qualification checklists, but it would be a good fit. I would have more stress and less free time, but more money and a career and learning experiences that would help me with Core Convergence. And more money equals less financial aid debt. And really for a girl looking to open a non-profit, it would be a significant amount of time before I could make that $30K disappear. Unless.... I was making enough to pay it as I accrued it. Problem- my background check showed up dirty. They think I'm a criminal because a the company who does the background check show some offense in the county of Riverside. They provide a case number but no other info. Like it could be anything. Well it wasn't anything. It was a speeding ticket in Indio 8 years ago. And I took traffic school for it. So why is it haunting me now trying to pretend that I am criminalistic? The county of Riverside court system can't even find the offense. Nor can the department of justice. So where exactly is this background check company getting their info from is what I would like to know. Because it's faulty! I'm not thrilled. It looks like I may end up on the kiddie track if this isn't cleared up.
Dave Jacobs has been my pastor most of my life for the last 20 years. I remember when I was about 12 he did a whole message surrounding the analogy of me getting my drivers license. We were a small church of about 20 people back then. Now he is leaving his position as pastor to be a pastor to pastors. I've known it's a passion of his. And I'm sure God will use him there. In the meanwhile, we are in a week of prayer (and fasting if i can stop eating) to figure out what this will mean for the church. We are praying over whether or not we will individually stay or go and what we think should happen to the church minus Dave. I've been called in another direction for a long time, so I will go back to pursuing that path. I will be interested to see what paths others will choose and I'm curious to see if God leads any to the same path I'm on.
Recently my father told me "hmm. you're pretty independent." My former boss has said to me, " You are almost too independent." I'd like to know how this happens given that I have close to no desire to be so independent. I am totally in need of having people I can rely on. And I don't know really how it looks to rely on others, but I know that I feel incredibly guilty asking anybody for help. It's why it's such a huge deal when people do help me. I need so much help. I'm not at all succeeding in this oh so independent existance I have carved out for myself. So when I hear the words slip out of my father's mouth it's like a stab to my gut and in my head I'm shouting.... "I NEED YOU!"

Acquisitions

2006-06-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

Rumor has it that I am going to get a nice refridgerator, washer, and dryer. All from my sister given that the house she bought came with a set and they also had theirs from their old house. Upgrades for me. Also upgrading is my backyard. Finally I win the craigslist battle for a free hot tub. Most people operate under the first come first served mentality. So there is always this race to be the first person to email back or call once the ad is posted. I responded an hour after posting and I thought my chances are shot because they surely have 15 other offers by now. But I WON, because this guy wasn't so diplomatic. He chose me because he liked my email best. "It would go to a good home of young hard working girls who couldn't afford one otherwise." He pictures in his mind a budwiser commercial with hot chicks in bikinis hot tubbing and giggling and is sold. Of course, from his perspective it now seems to be going to a good cause. I would agree. My relaxation is a very good cause.
Also the news of my sister finally buying a new house means that her junk will be leaving my garage giving me back lots of space... space to store the Love Sac. So it stays after all. Oh, and Travis and Kendra are building a garden in the backyard. Yahoo!

On The Flipside

2006-05-26T19:32:00.000-07:00

So tonight was my school orientation. The bad news was that they have royally screwed up my transfer agreements. None of my SJCC credits were making an appearance. This affects me in quite a few ways. Technically SJCC and WJU are the same so some of the classes that I took back then will count for this program and I won't have to take them. So I should have a lower tuition. Secondly, without them on my record it appears like I have few too credits for this program which got me placed on probation and put me at a Sophmore standing for FASFA. I get $3000 more as a Junior. This should all get cleared up soon. I hope. The good news is that some of my financial aid came in and I owe nothing this quarter. Well actually I owed $66 but then we realized that I probably won't be taking one of the classes this term when the credits come through and that I also won't need to be charged for the books, which gave me a book credit that covered the $66. Hooray! Praise God, because I was seriously stressing over that.

Making me laugh! What will those heathens think up next! (I kinda dig the Jr High Jesus).

Listlessly Losing

2006-05-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

This morning I was seriously losing it... like on the verge of a nervous breakdown losing it. All the systems that hold my life together are unraveling. I slept until I couldn't sleep anymore and then I wearily made my way into work where I made it a point to sit down with my agenda book and make a list. A big list. A To-do list. And although having a huge list may freak some out, for me it seemed to help to have it down on paper. Not that it makes it any easier. Not that I have any help. Not that more time will arise to conquer this list. And not that time will stand still in order for me to catch up. But somehow it helps to focus and not freak. And somehow fun non stressful not related to anything errands popped up on the list... like make cupcakes for myself. Well, I ended up getting muffins instead, but oh... I think the buzzer is going off. I feel a little better now.

La La La La.... I Can't Hear You!

2006-05-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's the day before school starts and I'm feeling very overwhelmed. This is not a good way to start off a quarter. Everything is in disarray. And I was either to overwhelmed or physically uncapable of straightening any of it out. I'm trying to move my desks into my bedroom but I have to move my bookshelves which means I have to move my bed which means putting my bed up on blocks... all which I cannot do by myself. Despite spending 4 hours meddling with them today, neither printer is working. I took one of them apart completely (like the time Lani and I took apart the vacuum cleaner, but that ended with a trip to Best Buy). The other one is having software driver issues of some sort. I have no food in my house and have been starving all day. I still don't have a job and scheduling interviews is a hassle when you don't even feel like getting out of your bathrobe. I don't have the $1400 I'm suppose to give school tomorrow. The office is in shambles. I am stressed about getting it ready for renting by the 1st. I can't tolerate my sister's crap in the garage anymore (Notice was sent this morning). Maybe going to school is a bad idea. Although I don't think that's possible seeing that it was God's idea. But certaintly you know how it is when sometimes you just don't feel motivated to go along with God's plan. Ya, that's me today. I think I'm going to go crawl in bed and not deal while I still can.

Tidbits

2006-05-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

Donald Miller last night at Sanctuary reading excerpts from his book To Own A Dragon. Rolling with laughter despite sad statistics: Currently 44 million men are growing up without fathers. 85% of male prision population grew up fatherless. 10% more of them had really bad fathers. I bought the 4 pack of his books.
Yesterday was Zac's 30th Birthday Surprise Party. He was clueless although at times I thought he was on to me. And when all was said and done he didn't even seem that bothered by the major invasions of privacy it took to make it happen. Rob has pics on flickr.
Last week I was in LA taking in the not so sunny weather. I hit up Disneyland twice... once with Carrie and once with Zac. I'm losing on the new Buzzlightyear ride.
School starts this Thursday. I am trying to have a head start by already starting the reading. School: William Jessup University. Major: Management and Ethics with a Duel in Theology. 22 months until graduation. Will I make it? Only by God's grace. With classes starting shortly I call to find out why I have not recieved my financial aid packet. Apparently I was not notified that FASFA chose me for random verification. Without the aid being awarded I all of a sudden have a $1400 payment due Thursday. Yikes. Anybody know where I can sell a very healthy kidney?
Looking for a New Job. Work ends this week. I have no clue what will happen next. I am interviewing for some nanny positions so hopefully I find one that pays well enough to pay for school and gives me enough time to focus on school. Ya, I'm looking for more money and less hours.
Sacrafices for school... giving up my office to Keiko, a student from Japan, in exchange for some money for tuition. Also giving up bunk bed and love sac in exchange for money and space in my bedroom to bring my desk back in. My tv is going to go to Keiko's room too. I don't think I'll have much time to watch it over the next 2 years.Hmmm. I think it may be time to cancel Netflix.
As Promised pics.... from Big Sur of Me Gina and Cutie

Wild Girl

2006-04-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

I had so much fun backpacking Big Sur with Gina. Thanks Gina for getting me back into this. It had been 10 years since my last backpacking trip. It was great to dust off all the old gear and get out there. Gina did a great job of setting it all up. And the food was so good (the one night we got to cook). I was rewarded in this trip with knowing that the work I have been doing was paying off. I have been running/hiking the Quicksilver hills at least once a week, sometimes up to 5 times a week. But I hadn't lost any weight. But it has made me stronger which was evident on this trip as it ended up I was more prepared for it than I thought. I was able to walk longer and harder and carry more than I thought I was able to. I ended up being physically very strong which was helpful given some of the trials we faced. The first trial was that the trail we hoped to take was closed and instead we had to take a trail that went 5 miles uphill while ascending 2000 ft. Then we ended up deciding to go all the way to Sikes on the first day even though we had started out late. This makes for 12 miles on day 1 and having to do about 2 hours by flashlight after sunset. The recent rains made the river at Sikes swell to the point of unsafe crossing, thus we couldn't get to the campsite and had to set up camp that night on the side of the trail. I had to scale the cliff rocks to get to the hot springs the next day. But I made good time to where we were setting up camp that night. The third day we were able to take the easier trail out but I had stepped on poor Cutie's foot (Gina's dog) and we had to bandage her paw for her to make the trek out. I owe her a doggie treat. Despite all trials our spirits were up the entire time. I even got my college application essay done. I don't think I've actually written about college yet. I'll do that later. Anyways I think the trip was 23.5 miles all together. And I didn't catch poisen oak even thought I was carelessly tromping through the stuff the whole time. I can't wait to get more backpacking in this summer. Just need to finish off this role of film and then I'll have pics for you.

Oh ya... and then I came home and packed again... this time for Chico. I had a good time. Zac's sisters are all wonderful. We got along great. It's amazing that Zac is truly the redest of them all. And it was great to meet his parents and some of his old friends. And it was fun to drive through his old neighborhood and have him tell me childhood stories. Very cute.

Oh, and I heard that while I was gone they announced me 2nd place winner (1st loser) in the breakfast competition. Congratulations to my arch rival Ben and his Dilla Masters.

Team Holy Crepe

2006-04-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

Andrea, Angela, Easter Bunny (Thomas), Me, and Zac sporting our halos (and wings) cooking them up. We took a break from our Easter morning breakfast competition where we were slaving over the griddle to pose for this pic. At one point the wait was backed up 17 orders. Ben and the Dilla Masters (a name I came up with for them) are my stiffest competition. But judges came back to me for seconds after the votes had been cast. It looks good. Winner announced next Sunday, but I will be out of town to Chico to meet Zac's family. All of them.

Tonight...
5:30 off of work and head to the bank
6:00 Gina's for last minute packing decisions
8:00 Spains to drop off recommendation letter for them to fill out
9:00 Zac over to make me dinner (delish babe!)
10:30 Pull out backpacking gear
10:30 Finish taxes, make photocopies
11:30 Drop off taxes to post office
midnight Hmm and Haw about what to bring and pack up my backpack for 3 days at Big Sur starting dang early tomorrow morning with Gina. Goal for the day... try not to complain or even mention the minimal amount of sleep I am giving myself.

J.F.R.

2006-04-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

Just a test. So there is this thing we have running in the background of our art exhibit at church and it flashes the title of any blog that mentions God or Jesus. I'm seeing if it will find mine. What's JFR? We dream of taking it on by name... Jesus F***ing Rocks!

Interactive Mural & Art Exhibit Open House This Sunday

2006-04-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

2006-03-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

Sympathizing with this... Trying to Cope... Taking it one day at a time....

HOW TO DEFEAT A MYSPACE ADDICTION

Singing In The Rain

2006-03-29T22:26:00.000-08:00

If you know me well, then you might know that I don't like getting messy or sticky. And so it's common sense that I also detest mud. I always avoid the trails unless we've had 3 days of straight sun so that I know the trails are dry. I hate the slippery muddy areas after the rain that makes me slide and stick with every step. But God has a way of helping you get over your neurosis. A few weeks ago I went to run one morning at Quicksilver. About half way through it starts to lightly rain. And I'm very annoyed at this, but what can I do? So I push myself harder and faster to wrap up the next 45 minutes and get out of there as fast as possible. Then last week it happens again. This time it's not just a sprinkle but real significant rain drops coupled with chilling wind. This morning I had planned to go run when I got off of work at 8am, but it was raining pretty hard. I contemplated going to the gym instead, but then I decided to screw it and just deal with the wetness and the ick mud. So I arrive and begin the trail in a mindset to finally overcome my issue with running in the rain when all of a sudden it stops raining. The sun comes out and it's warm. I have to tie my windbreaker around my waist and ditch the gloves. And I was kinda disappointed that I was robbed the experience of conquering my neurosis. It rained again later in the run, but not enough for me to even bother to put my windbreaker back on.

So I will most likely having both of my nanny gigs ending this summer. I have been contemplating other work ideas. I was considering going back to work for hidden villa for the summer. And I could find another nanny job or household manager job. Realistically, I can't do core convergence full time. And I can't continue to justify working part time so I can devote myself tothe non profit, because I don't use my free time on that anyways. So I think it's time to get a real job again in an office, with benefits, and a supervisor, and rules. My resume is completely out of date. Even the font needs freshening up. I'm a bit freaked about having to rewrite it. I've been working off the same resume format for many years. It was a winning resume that always landed me the job. Plus I have experience in HR and I know a good resume. But mine doesn't look so great anymore. It needs a major lift. So next time you see me ask me about it, because I need to get this squared away. Especially because I have my eye on a juicy little position that combines two of my most successful passions and positions. Pray for me.

Babies and the such

2006-03-27T23:27:00.000-08:00

The Cobalt Season will wrap up their America tour to begin their European tour. Then they'll wrap that up to return here to begin their parentage tour. Holly is expecting in October. It's so exciting. I envy the babe who gets such blessed lullibies. And by the time they come back from Europe they will probably really be showing on Holly's tiny frame. And the art that this journey will inspire. And the lyrics it will birth. This begins a new life season for them as well as a new creative season too. I can't wait to see the finished product.

A Good and Rightful Enemy

2006-03-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

I have an new enemy. I can't stand the tattletale who loves to humiliate me. My enemy can be found hanging around Zac's house and it's name is Stupid Smoke Detector. Now it knows that I have not at all set the house on fire, but still everytime I cook dinner over there it makes sure to loudly interject it's two cents... Beep Beep Beep Beep = translation: Your Girlfriend Can't Cook! To which I have to explain while jumping up and down waving a dish towel in the air that it's nothing. Dinner is not burnt. It's just the seasonings on the pan that burnt. I swear it's not always like this. This is not indicitive of my cooking over all. Cooking for Zac makes me nervous and I almost always mess something up. I feel such a pressure to convince him that I really can cook. Meals would be better off if I made them when he wasn't around and without his feedback on what he wants to eat. I'm use to just cooking what I like to cook and eat. I'm not use to taking requests. Maybe I set up a menu... here's what I cook.... choose items only off the menu... there will be no substitutions. I have a great vast menu of great gourmet foods, but carne asada is not on it. Nor are hash browns, or carrots, or stir fry. Even if these things are very easy. They are not on the menu. Ok, starting to sound like a complaining housewife so I'll stop now. Really my beef is with the smoke detector and not with my wonderful boyfriend who rarely burns anything when he cooks.

Are You Kidding Me!?!

2006-03-11T19:56:00.000-08:00

I just got the paperwork in the mail for my speeding ticket. I was surprised when it said I was not eligible for traffic school. I looked through my files and found the date of my last violation. I was only 9 days short of the 18 month period necessary between violations. Aarrgg!!! So that will be $365 and a permanent mark on my record. I'm sure my insurance company will love that one. Luckily my insurance already sent me out a quote for my next 6 months with them and it didn't reflect this ticket so I still get the good driver discount. I won't have this impacting my insurance at least for another 6 months. And by then another ticket hopefully will have timed out so that I still will qualify. Or maybe not. I'll just have to see. Anyways, at least I know traffic school is available for next time. *Sigh*

$247

2006-03-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

The cost of parking in the wrong place. It was late and dark and I didn't see the signs because they were blocked from visibility by other parked cars. And to top it I was partially in the red. So this morning I go out to find that my car has been towed. They are working on the street and my vehicle was in the way. Apparently I had just missed it. Now I scan my brain for who isn't working who can help me out. And the logical answer is my mother because she is right around the corner, but our last encounter was hurtful and I'm not quite over that pain. So I skip logical and go around to the next best thing. Family like friends. Jerome's mom comes and picks me up and takes me to the police station where I pay $101 for the vehicle release and then to the tow yard where I pay $110 for the tow and $36 for the daily storage rate. $247 total . That was a huge pain.

So I keep meeting people on the street and interacting with them in fulfilling needs, but then once I'm gone it comes to me what else I could have done. The guy seemed a little down and my extra bagel although appreciated didn't cure his troubles. I should have asked what was bothering him. Or what he was reading. He was so unresponsive. Maybe he was bordering on ill. And the couple who approached me on the street and asked me to pray for them. Debbie and Patrick... now that I think about it I saw them peering into an abandoned building before they approached me. Perhaps, they were in need of a place to stay. They didn't mention that need when I asked them what they'd like me to pray for. But then again they also didn't mention the need for jobs or income yet they did need money for McDonalds. Maybe if I had spent more time relating to them I would have discovered a deeper need I could have helped with rather than just providing temporary solutions. Imagine if I had a problem that everybody just offered temporary help with but never had the peace of feeling stable or resolved, not knowing what I would do when the temporary solution ended. Money goes. Hunger returns. Nightfall comes. Rest is needed. I want to strive to make more permanent impacts on the people I encounter. I think my ability to do this will fall in line with my comfortableness in slowing down. These God sent opportunities often catch me off guard and I feel panic in my effort to respond. Pray that I can overcome the panic to clearly see what God is trying to show me about the situations before me.

The Big Question
A phenomenal film that I went and viewed last night at the Cinequest film festival. The blurb said it was to do with people's perceptions of God. I was surprised that this documentary was filmed in the Italian village location on the set of the Passion of the Christ film. The subjects for these interviews were the actors and the village locals. It was very intriguing as all sorts of view points were shared. And I think these interviewees were probably had given these topics much thought being surrounded by the filming of such a thought provoking movie. It's a shame it was the last showing of it, because I would suggest seeing it. I was certainly blessed by it. The artistic side of it was beautiful. There was a storyline of a wandering dog who aimlessly roamed and searched the countryside. It nicely paralleled the human spirituality process. And the differences unioned together with simularities of praise and flesh and it was really something I could appreciate.

The other day I was hiking Quicksilver and talking to God as I walked. First I was review the trinity and how I interacted with each part. The question that popped into my head was "Who am I praying to? the Father, the Son, or the Holy Spirit?" And I think I generally pray with God in mind, except for when I'm asking for favors then I think I have Jesus in mind more. And I ask for the Spirit but rarely pray to the Spirit. I don't feel like I'm often answered back directly by God or Jesus but almost always answered by the Holy Spirit from God or Jesus. Although sometimes it is more clearly presented answers in the forms of words and then I feel like it's Jesus. And I realize that they are an interconnected One, but I was intrigued by who I felt I was connecting and relating to in certain circumstances. God the Father as my loving creator, Jesus as my grace saving miracle worker, the Holy Spirit as my empowering force that grants me divine power and inspiration and comfort beyond my own capabilities.

So anyways as I continue in my walk I come to my favorite little spot along the river that I like to sit and pray at. And as I'm praying (to God the Father) I am praising in awe of how the Lord has every aspect of our beautiful world of nature balanced in equilibrium through His power and force. And I pray that he also as he does with the rivers and trees and earth and weather and creatures, that He would also keep my life in a balancing equilibrium, that he not let my life spin out of orbit and fall apart into self destructive chaos. As I continue my hike I spot a large majestic Oak tree that in the aftermath of recent rainstorms has cracked off a large limb that now lays at its trunk. And I ask God why in his perfect power of nature's equilibrium does he let this happen to the tree. In which I am answered (by God) that there are parts of our lives that are weak and not healthy and need to be severed, but good comes out of it because as that unhealthy limb lies unattached rotting at our base, it serves as nurtrients to strengthen the soil that the roots have their foundation in. As it is with my life. That which is broke off from me is to feed me, make me grow, to strengthen me, to protect me from falling altogether. It is a necessary sacrafice to maintain my equilibrium. It's the cycle of nature paralleled through my life of dying and growing parts of me simultaneously.

2006-03-06T09:28:00.000-08:00

Just yesterday I was talking to Zac about the wonder of how sometimes I've left the house in a hurry for work not realizing I was wearing my slippers and not my shoes. This morning I discovered something worse than being trapped without proper shoes. I was exhausted when my alarm went off at 5am. In my groggled state I grabbed some clothes for the day in my bag and set off for work in my pajamas where I went back to sleep upon my arrival. When I got up hours later with the kids I realized that missing from the clothes I packed was a bra. For some going bra-less would be no big deal, but that is not my situation. I'll be making a pit stop to my house as soon as possible.

Yesterday the art wall had its debut. It looked great. People were very receptive to the interactive side of it. I think people were spiritually inspired. At least I hope they were. It was a ton of work, but I'm very pleased with the results. Pictures here as soon as Rob flickrs them. Digital camera is still broken.

Last night I took Zac to go see the very last San Jose show of Cirque Du Soliel's Corteo. It was phenomenal. Absolutely wonderful. The acrobatic wonders have me wanting to spend the afternoon jumping on the bed doing flips and twists (except I'm stifled by my inflexibility and my no bra status). I love the quirkiness. I am feeling inspired to go to Vegas for a weekend just to catch more shows.

RoleCall

2006-03-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

Quotes I'm Digging
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
Are we having an impact on our world? Or is our world having an impact on us? - Os Hillman
If you can't change your fate, at least you can change your outfit. - Dittie

Thankful For:
2/16- gina's birthday, getting cheese fondue successfully under my belt of things I can do in the kitchen (like La Fondue style), and finding an old movie that I actually enjoyed (Magnificently Modern Millie).
2/17- finally getting to Costco for new contacts, spending the morning with my oldest friend Ann (and still being someone that she feels she can come to when she needs advice), and Lani being a blessed teacher (and the opportunity to create art).
2/18- having a bribe to control kid behavior, getting them to clean their house and bedrooms, being able to go out for a fun movie for a change, getting off of work a bit early instead of the usual hour late.
2/19- a successful introduction of art worship to 4 year old Caitlin who then states that she is painting where Jesus died and that the red is his blood and now it's going into the sky, finding old friends on myspace, deep afternoon talks with Zac, and organizing my bedroom and office so that the lovezac can finally be in it's proper place.
Then I stopped keeping track by day so... that I found and got to spend the day with my old friend Christina and her beautiful daughter, that my sister and neice came into town and I got to kick it in a family type setting hanging out with her parents for dinner, that I got to have my neice overnight on the only night she was in town on this 24 hour trip, for a great morning hike through Quicksilver where God was certainly talking in most prophetic styles, Holly and Ryan (Cobalt Season) rockin' it at Red Rock, Andrea and Mike coming with me, Jon making worship short so he and Zac could join, exciting news about where Holly and Ryan's adventures will have them going, finding paint for the art wall at $2/gallon bargain price, normal friday night fun vamped up with painting the wall, impromptu after hours get together at my house to pursue liquor and the best of monty python (too bad I'm a lousy bartender), the beautiful sunny saturday afternoon spent laying in the grass in the park watching the children play, stepping into hot biker couple role as we gear up for a ride to Palo Alto for dinner at one of my favorites (Nola's), and Zac being able to get a reservation online when the restaurant told me they were full that night on the phone, partaking in a whole whirl of silliness that resided at Gina's bowling birthday party, running into Curtis, following up lunchtime with a good nap, rockin the swordfish for my love, overcoming my fears about our differences, being totally relaxed and enjoying working on the art wall because I've assumed no pressure or responsibility towards it, that I have an amazing boyfriend who saves my butt at 5am when my car breaks down because I've put too much oil in it and he comes and drains the oil in a cold morning side of the road mission, and again playing the hero when he surprises me by unexpectedly stopping by my house after work to help me with a tangle of fallen tree branches that were overwelming me (I'm really not use to being able to depend on a guy like that and having them rise to the occasion... heck I'm not use to being able to depend on anybody like that male or female), getting to have dinner with Andrea (and Zac), that my brother is back in town finally, finding out surprisingly that Mat Kearney is back in SF this month to open up for Train, and being able to get 4 tickets at face value through ticketmaster after bill graham presents said there were no tickets available.

Looking forward to:
the art wall debut this Sunday, my surprise secret date that I've planned for Zac this weekend, seeing my brother finally, seeing CCPY kids I haven't seen in over a month, home group just because I love it, the Cinequest film festival going on this week, having a weekend off of work finally.

What I've Been Grateful For

2006-02-15T22:59:00.000-08:00

2/7/06
* The gorgeous almost summer tank top and shorts weather
* Getting Ned from Craigslist to reserve his big black 6' love sac for me and deliver it to me this weekend too all for $120.
*That Kristy is coming back so that it is my last day working with the twins meaning that I should have my free time back to focus on other projects.

2/8/06
*That I didn't have to work this morning and therefore ended up being able to sleep in.
* Successfully moving all my desks and needed tables into my now office/art studio.
* God answering my prayer for help being productive today.
* Finding time to petroglyph with Lani

2/9/06
*playing like a kid- laying in the grass, sitting up high on top of the monkey bars, wicked game of 2 square leaving me with that dirt freckled film over my fist... I even have a cut and a bandaid to go along with it.
* Finding out from my boss that I am spared from my error of overbooking myself... no overtime.
* Jamba Juice Dinner

2/10/06
* Having my boss unexpectedly come home relieving me from work at 1pm and giving me a huge section of my day back.
* Accomplishing the completion of a beautiful and perfect piece of art
* Lani

2/11/06
*new roommate who organizes the whole kitchen and relandscapes the backyard to keep herself busy
* the new addition to the couch family... the delivery of the love sac.
*motorcycle riding

2/12/06
* church visitors
*zac's keeping himself busy while at my house because his mere presence is enough to motivate me into cleaning mode.
*knowing we can get through the bubble bursting

2/13/06
* pink heart shaped pancakes and hungry little girls
* girl scout cookie delivery

2/14/06
*for my creation
*that there was no burger pit in the plans for the evening
*that I have a boyfriend who cleans up nicely

2/15/06
* being able to sleep in until noon
* that Sheila is so forgiving of me being a huge flake
* that I was able to be somewhat slightly productive

V is for Validity

2006-02-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

Here is what's making me barf today.

I'm pretty excited about spending my first Valentine's Day with Zac. I'm trying to have little to no expectations so that I'm not at all disappointed. I know he has made a reservation at some restaurant as long as it's not the burger pit I'll be fine. Mostly I am excited because I can't wait to give him his gifts which I worked on for hours. And I probably should stop hyping it up so his expectations don't get out of control. After all, it's really not that big of a deal. It's more thoughtful and personal than anything.

I'll give you a brief history about Valentine's day and me. On a Valentine's Day long ago, there was a young beautiful girl who was occasionally and periodically dating a very handsome man who happened to be living and working up in San Francisco. This fellow of hers was the type to not be tied down with mushy overly emotional relationships and baggage, but the same could not be said about his roommate. His roommate planned to be occupying their house for the evening with his valentine day plans and requested him to make arrangements to be absent. Being an accomodating kind of guy he called up his here and there girl down in San Jose and made plans to roll on through for the evening. She made dinner and they had a nice romantic evening staying in at her place. Romance was in the air everywhere and so intoxicated with the holiday they pretended to be more than they were and took things to the bedroom. The next day he left and returned up to San Francisco and went on about his carefree womanfree life. About a month later, the beautiful young lady realized that her valentine evening love making had resulted in her coming up pregnant. The child within her womb would one day be called lizapalooza. Yes, the year was 1977. The child that was created that night is me. And Valentine's Day is what is referred to in my family as my make-me day. A day that historically throughout my youth has meant being taken out to dinner and given presents by my parents. But now I have a boyfriend and the holiday for me has transformed more into the socially explicit hallmark celebration of love and romance rather than "the day my parents got freaky and made me". So if you see me around tomorrow online or in person, remember to shout out a happy make me day to me.

Counting Blessings

2006-02-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

According to John Tesh, one of the things to make you happy is to recount three things you are thankful for everyday. So I am going to try to post daily what I'm thankful for.
2/6/05-
*Zac
*Mat Kearney
*Zac introducing me to Mat Kearney

Taylor's First Blog - Family 101

2006-01-31T16:13:00.000-08:00

Taylor likes the fact that I blog. She also wants to express some thoughts of her own. So I now turn the keyboard over to her...

Your family is better than a $100. Think about it and you will see your family is better than $100. Some people think $100 is cool but your family is better. Like some people have $100 and they think it's cool. But you know what? Your family is better than $100 because money is just money, but family loves you and gives you a shelter and buys you clothes and warm jackets for winter. And your family is better because your family never falls apart, and your toys almost always fall apart and money falls apart too when your dog chews on it or your cat. You should love your sisters and brothers even though some sisters and brothers are evil and violent, but they are your sisters and brothers and you should love them very much. And you should love your dogs and cats and other animals even if they chew up your favorite stuffed animal, like if you have a favorite stuffed animal that is a dog, you should still love it and not give it away because they are part of your family too. Leave me a comment please. But don't write me a comment until you think about it.
- Taylor Nigh, age 7 (yes, I'm a kid) (and a funny and smart kid too) (and have two evil violent brothers)

Sweet Sixteen

2006-01-29T14:16:00.000-08:00

1. Exploring the Story... A crew of 22 gather in the 10x10 living room of the Scandrette home to explore the story of Christ amidst the story of creation, the story of the world, our individual stories... We head out on the misty rainy morning to climb the slippery slopes of Bernal hill where more of the story was told through scripture and conversation. We gathered in the playground of a local park to hear even more. It was so powerful that I'm going to be recreating it for a homegroup retreat to Tahoe at the end of March.

2. The ways the Lord tried to talk to me in the way of saving me from myself... the reminder that I was about to go do His work and that I needed to stop dilly dallying, the reminder that I didn't have time to french braid my hair, the realization that I am leaving the house 15 minutes later than scheduled, as I speed up highway 85 there is the thought of how it gets a bit bumpy up a head and that I'm not that familiar with this stretch of highway and that at this speed it could be dangerous. I glance at the guardrail realizing the impact of a crash at this speed. My governer kicks in kicking me speed back down to 100. The story plot from my soap opera of the young reckless girl who unknowingly hit and killed her own brother pops into my mind. The Lord is trying many different to tell me to slow down. And yet I do not let up. So he sends his last warning which is successful. Siren. Lights. CHP. Out of nowhere. No use in denying. I pull over accept my consequence greatful that God got through to me to spare me from whatever could have been next. 96mph is the crime rate. I'm saving up knowing this is going to cost me. But at least it didn't cost me my life. Thank God.

3. Checkstop at Highway... I proceed down the highway to Palo Alto for a visit to the Highway Community, owners of Red Rock Coffee in Mountain View... a center of similiar vision to my own. The sermon checks me on my personal road of service. The pastor talked about the metamorphosis of Peter. He had the ordinary and common name of Simon before Jesus renamed him Peter (the Rock) which was completely an unlikely nickname given his personality. But it was Jesus' promise to mold him and transform him to fill this name that he was given. It was Simon Peter who had the life shaping experience of walking on water with Jesus. He was the only one of the disciples who took courage, trusted his Master, and followed Christ out into the waters. Now fear overcame him and he took his eyes off Jesus at which he began to sink. The point is that LEADERS GET OUT OF THE BOAT. It's okay to be courageous and step out no matter what the outcome is to be. Mistakes will be made and they must not scare you off from making an attempt. Being a leader is a process. Phobias are conquered by facing fears. The other thing to remember was that Jesus IMMEDIATELY caught him. He was right there beside him not letting him sink. And when I step out of the boat as a leader, Jesus will be there to catch me when I am scared and falling. This is his promise to me in which I can trust knowing that I serve a most faithful God. Amen.

4. Cobalt Season... a while back at a Sabbath retreat in the beginning of the month, I met a bunch of cool new people who I have been meaning to link to. Among these are Ryan and Holly Sharp who make up Cobalt Season and are traveling around the world touring and sharing their blessing. I gathered a group to go to a house concert of theirs up in the Oakland hills at Lora and Craig's house. The music was amazing and resignates in my mind daily as I haven't been listening to much else but their cd. And even more amazing was their story. I loved hearing how the Lord has inspired them. If you find the opportunity to see them live, definately check them out. They will be performing at Red Rock Coffee on February 23rd.

5. San Francisco, Lifehouse, Mozella, Filmore, Zac... I'm in love with it all. Caitlin (age 4) today on me kissing Zac... "Ew. Do you love him?" "Yes, I do." "Ew, that's gross." She was thoroughly disgusted.

Oh! The Places He'll Go!

2006-01-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

Mark's beuatiful retelling of one of the most mezmorizing and meaningful realizations from last weekend's Jesus Dojo that is still resignating in my inner realm. More to come on other things sprouting out of this realm soon.

3.7 GPA

2006-01-09T18:53:00.000-08:00

So I recieved my report card in the mail. I know some of you are thinking... "Gee, Liz. I didn't realize you were in school." Trust me I didn't know I was being graded. But wow. Funny and maybe a bit to honest. I want to make the Dean's List next semester. If I'm going to make it into Stanford then I'll have to start taking some honors classes and working really hard on my essays. ;)

And I say Heeeyeeeyeeeyeeah! Heeeeyeeeyeeey! I say Hey!! What's going on.....

2006-01-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

Relationship Talks- the question arises... Am I your pastor or just the pastor of the church you go to? If I am not your pastor, then who is? Who have you put in a position of spiritual authority over you? Are they ordained by God for such work? Do they have age and wisdom and experience? Who is sending me out? It stirs up alot of questions for me. Is this my church or do I come here to see the people from my real church community? Was my process started off in a way other than God's way or was I doing it in God's way but just with a different unconventional set of spiritual elders in my life? And do these people of leadership in my life know that they are in that position in my life and are they comfortable with that and feel called as well to be there? Am I suppose to seek advice from somebody so distant to me who knows nothing of my personality, faith, or life circumstances and has no interest in knowing me in that way over those who volunteerily choose to be participating in community with me and have a sincere Christ following love and concern for me? It looks like I'll be digging into Acts and Timothy this week.
Rhythm Nation Retreat- ok, so it was just some of the bay area emergent people up in a cabin in the Santa Cruz mountains sipping kool-aid (ok, it was just cider and wine) while we discussed common life practices we could adhere to in our life that would promote community and Lord seeking. What we have committed signed in blood to do for the next month... 1. Read the gospels starting with Matthew one chapter at a time. Today being the 9th, we will read Ch 9. 2. Once a week to spend a meal with "Others" in a process of getting to know them without agenda. "Others" are those who are in dispair in their lives, perhaps in the way of being poor or lonely or outcast from whatever you consider your normal social setting. For some "other" may fall into the category of a wealthy white soccor mom who has desperation and a need for comfort. For some "other" would be the exact opposite. But we are striving to seek out the "other" and draw on getting to know and understand them without agenda. 3. Pray 3 times a day to correspond with meals. The Lord's Prayer for Breakfast. A prayer of your own for Dinner. And for Lunch we agree one of the prayers Adam wrote such as this one:
Adonia,
You who dwell among the angels
Help us to live in rhythm with your Pneuma
Ever aware of your presence
Teach us to live in your kingdom
Walking in peace, speaking in love to those around us
Unite us Adonia, in your redemptive work
break us where we need to be broken
mend us where we need mending
open us to eternity present
inspire our hearts to love beyond ourselves
to live the adventure you call us into
Shelter and protect us
You ARE amazing Adonia!
Thank you for the gift of today.
My Castle In The Sky- I attended a CCPY community meeting in which I observed an activity of constructing 10 story high paper castles out of index cards and then switching focuses to a game of volleyball in the same space where everybody in the room needed to participate in touching the ball without letting it hit the floor. The thing that happened though was that everybody was distracted with trying to protect their castles that they weren't focused on the goal of the volleyball game. Protecting the castle was not in the instructions, but it's inately what happens. It wasn't for sometime after all the castles had been incidentally knocked down that the group was able to focus on the task at hand and start to make any progress on successfully achieving their goal. The parallel here is that we all have "castles" that we are protecting. What are our castles? What are we protecting them from? How are we protecting them? What goals are we losing focus of because we are protecting them? Is it worth it? Who in your life do you protect? Who is protecting you? And how did I learn to be protective of these things?
For me, the castles formed in my life manifests in way of my house, my popularity, my faith, and my dreams. And I'm tempted to throw my feelings in with that mix too. Some are worth protecting, but some are not. And I know that I am guilty of losing focus of my goals in order to protect them. Like the time I moved back home from my life in Newport Beach to preserve my ownership of my home. And protecting my faith and my popularity both have always had conflicting stances. And I notice now that at a lower level I protect others based on who needs it most over who I love most. And that is something I have been aiming to change. Overall I can't help but analysize my life and realize how many life altering decisions I have made based on a need to protect castles rather than acheive my goals.
2005 Resolutions- ok, at first I thought that I had accomplished none of them. But then Lani said something about how living with me she learned from how I didn't live a duplicitous Christian lifestyle (not her exact words- I can't remember exactly what she said) and it made me realize that I had kept one... No Hiding Sin. I'm totally upfront with who I am no matter what because Christians aren't perfect and I'm not going to pretend to be. Duplicitous Christian living only adds to immense misconceptions about what being a Christian is that only frustrate non believers and believers alike. Then there is so much pressure that get's put on people and the loving acceptance of Christ gets lost. I think I'm getting off track now and perhaps that's another post for another day. Or better yet, just ask me about it sometime and let me rant for 15 minutes. Ok, so almost everything else on the list was a bust. But here's what wasn't. I did do marketing for the church. I did very well on paying my debt to Kim. I didn't do any more pricy home improvements. I sorta refrained from over the top wasting my time crushes, but really I just put that on the back burner because he was dating someone else, but now he's dating me so it all worked out. And I did audit some restaurant management courses for a few months.
2006 New Years Resolutions- Are you ready for this? I don't know if I'm ready for this. But here I go...
Spiritual:
*tithe 10% of my time= 14 hrs/wk (completive breakdown: 7 daily devotion 2 church 3 home group 2 misc) *listen for god's blessings *bring emergent practices to South Bay & participate *spiritually uplift others *memorize verses *experiment with Bible on cd
Career:
*add no more nanny clients
*logo & business cards (Jan) *create community calendar (Jan) *full website (Mar) *create big book of resources (Feb) *art worship meetings (Jan) *pamphlets (Feb)*establish as nonprofit (Feb) *church visits (Mar)*first art auction (Jul)
Finances:
*pay dad rent *clear the remaining credit card debt *tithe to missions & Sampsons *budget living in part time income *begin a savings account *pay car off early *no overdrawn accts or late payments
Relationships:
*know how they measure up to the list
*make sure it resembles Christ's love
Body/Health:
*workout 3x/wk *ditch candy habit *eat healthy snacks/dinners *don't finish the kids' food
Home Improvement:
*trim tree *regrout shower tiles *add vents to kitchen and bathroom *sprinklers *garden/landscape *cement
Education:
*winter - web design, html, emergent
*spring - acctg, art, anything solitonic
Family:
*get to know my dad much better *try to relate to my sister and attempt one on one quality time *talk to mom about mother/daughter roles and expectations (I gag here feeling that this is hopeless and will only initiate arguments). No amount of reasoning with her will change her emotional status towards me. I don't know how to participate in a relationship without opening up. These sets of personal goals are works in progress. I don't know what it will take, but I would like to see different situation than what is currently present. Jerome mentioned that he thinks I shut my family out. Could this be a self-truth that I need to examine? If there wasn't such a bad experience associated to every single time I open myself up and make myself available to them, then perhaps I wouldn't have this need to distance myself and keep them at bay as if they were wild lions after my jugular. Ok, that was quite a detour. Sorry.
Community Connecting- So my focus lately has been to connect with as many people as possible. Last week I spent so much one on one time and group time both with people from my church community and I was really thrilled to see then connect to each other. I really feel like there is such a strengthening bond there. And it reminds me of a vision I had months back when my church was going through prayer and fasting. It was us as ropes. Individually we could be used say as a fishing pole and as fishers of men we could bait and catch just one at a time with alot of patience and down time. But when the ropes are woven together strong sturdy and tight together we make an intricate net that when casted out it can catch a motherload if the Lord wills it. It's exciting. Anyways, my laundry list... NYE with Zac, Josh, Lani, Kelly, Tom, and others; "rebel lunch" with jon, mike, andrea, spains, zac; game night with polly, gary, randy, and flora; chior with Crystal; shopping with Aimee; dinner with Andrea; meeting with Dave; Rocco as a newbie to homegroup; mentoring with Zac; retreating with mark, nate and kool-aid clan; movie night with Andrea, Kelly, Sutors, Bluhms, Tanners... so much connecting. I'm in love with it. More please!

Christmas Recap

2005-12-30T15:55:00.000-08:00

Best Gift I Got: 15 Karoake CD's to start off a very decent library. My new jam... The Rose. Not only do I rock it, but whoa... the lyrics... could they be anymore me?
Best Gift I Gave: Sock Monkey Pajama & Slipper Set along with a Jesus Sock Monkey that I found at UO for an undeserving sibling.
The Gift That Keeps On Giving: The $20 iTunes gift cards I gave the Bryana and Mikayla. They have a sleepover and spend all $40 and both get copies of the songs they chose then Bry comes over to my house and drops her entire 12 cd music collection she has with her onto my iTunes. It's a win-win for everybody.
The Worst Gift I Recieved: Fur Trimmed Socks (that must be hung dry). *scowl* That's a little too high maintenance for socks. I'm going to cut the fur off.

I had two weeks off of work for Christmas. I kicked off this local vacay by picking up the sibling cousin (not to be confused with the cousin sibling) and headed to Reno for an annual pow wow of the Gorum Tribe.

Uncle Rayfield and his offspring that spans 3 decades of sugar highs and good looks. After a few days I dropped Ray off in Napa and continued homeward to settle in before picking Carrie up at the airport for Christmas Weekend. Friday night we headed to the Brit with Chupa Crew in tow. It was a blast but ended prematurely when the bar broke into fights. We grabbed our crew and headed back to my house to break in the karoake library. Fav disc of the night had to be the beatles. We went through that one twice rapping up at 6am. Christmas Eve I headed out cookie trays and gifts in hand to do our 17th annual toy delivery to needy families. Mike came as my delivery partner and he was a complete trooper. He soldiered through our normal glitches without a single complaint. My hour and half route took much longer. We delivered to the last house at 2:30am. The next morning... Christmas morning at church I was talking to some of the girls and I kept hearing a common theme. The ladies are off of work and school and are all bored. Immediately the need wells up in me to organize a gathering. Thus a Ladies Luncheon was planned. It went great. Us girls had so much fun and it ended up going for 5 hours of just pure girly gabbing. Another day my neice Bryana came over and we made Strawberry Rocky Road ice cream and did some painting while discussing all things teenage. That really summarizes just about the whole 2 week break. I don't know yet what this New Years Weekend holds in store for me. But I'll keep you posted. possibly.

2005-12-27T23:02:00.000-08:00

I hate to admit it because Ray says she's going to start keeping track... but I was shopping tonight and I got a really cute shirt and then there was another shirt that I really liked but it had a phrase sprawled across it in french [L'amour est tout ce que vous avez besoin.] and nobody in the store could translate. I can't buy a shirt that I don't know what it says. Perhaps it says something bad. But now that I've come home and thrown it into a online translator, I get... The love is all that you have need... roughly. So the shirt is worthy of purchase, but I'll wait until a paycheck to go back and get it. Or maybe I should just get a neighborhoodie.

So today I was thinking about personal habits and I came to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world... those who live by schedule and those who live by impulse. Those who live by schedule have a time alloted for everything... they wake, shower, eat, defecate, exercise all at a particular time of their day. Always a shower in the morning or right before bed. Always eating dinner at 6pm. Waking up at 7am even on a Sunday. The ABC and XYZ of life in order. Then there are the others who live by impulse. I am almost 100% in this group. Those who eat when they are hungry. Sleep when they are tired. Wake when they are rested. Shower when they feel dirty. So how do impulse people live under schedule and how do schedule people live in impulse. And what are you and how do you know? I am passionate about scheduling but absolutely do not live by the schedules I create. On the other hand, Carrie is extremely schedule oriented in every way but leaves her schedule open to flexuation pending her impulses... well to some degree. Feel me in all about you. I'd love to know.

Since I've Been Gone - by Liz Clarkson

2005-12-20T22:13:00.000-08:00

Just kidding... ok. What I've been doing... baking cookies, having sugar highs and caffiene dependencies, sneaking out on family time for target runs, rough housing, finding friends, seeing movies (Geisha and Narnia), feeling inspired to write at chuck e cheese, road trip, making my list and checking it twice, contemplating nye plans, family pajama party, celebrating my victory, having non-romantic candle lit nights with 2am calls from pg&e, updating my to do list for when I return, planning my next move but hoping I won't have to make it... leaving Reno Thursday morning.

I'm looking for the candy cane christ story. does anybody have it? please send it my way. thx.

And Now Back To The Show

2005-12-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

Now that the voting is over I can go back to talking about life. Life has me on an adrenaline high. It's Christmas time. It's beautiful. Good things are happening in the lives of people around me. Today is Lani's birthday and I'm excited to help her celebrate.

I WIN!!!

2005-12-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

Polls closed! Final Score... Me 1022 - Zut Alors 984. Yeah!!! Celebrate! Do a little dance! I would like to thank all of you who supported me by faithfully voting for me. It really meant alot and I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. Thank you especially to those who forwarded on my plight to their own distribution lists. Thank you! Thank you! And I have to give special mentions to a few individuals... first... Rob Spain! Thank you! Rob figured out how to delete cookies so I could vote countless times in a day. Secondly... Raylene, my dear sibling cousin who used all her pull and the pull of her friends to do everything she could to make sure my numbers stayed ahead even if it meant blowing off work. Thank you!! We are completely even for the time I came and re-org'd your closet! Thirdly, I have a huge Thank You to Brian Hatt, a complete stranger to me who went the extra mile to help this deserving girl get her Christmas Wish. It's like a hallmark story. Brian is the boyfriend of my cousin's high school best friend and this is how he got sucked in. And this IT whiz got around the block out and voted for me 150 times when I was in a very dire situation... actually that story is worth going into.

Sunday I had been so busy with the church festival that I had gotten 50 points behind. I didn't worry about it though because I figured I would just go home when it was all over and pull an all nighter bidding war to get ahead by the 8am closing the next morning. Well, I come home and after just a few votes, I get locked out of the system... blocked from the Neighborhoodie site all together. I break into a frantic sweat. I pull out the other computer, I reboot, I restart the modem, I attempt to change ip addresses... nothing is working. It is 1:30am and I have just 6.5 hours until I am expecting polls to close. I think there is no place I can go. I pray to God and then it comes to me. Go to Him... Church! I have the key to get into the church. So I go down there with my laptop and get onto their wireless. I vote maybe 5 times and then... bang... shut out again. I am at this point 40 points behind. I realize my shot of finding enough people to pull me ahead in the early morning hours are low. I send out an email for help to a few early risers and east coasters and fall asleep at the church sad in the realization that I am going to lose. I get back to my house with just 40 minutes before closing, and find a friend in Afganistan on AIM. I ask if he can go check my score for me seeing as I am blocked out. He comes back to tell me I'm winning! (Well, first he told me I was loosing just to joke with me but then he fessed up to the real score). I was some how 90 points ahead! I was astonished and completely baffled. It was a miracle that I could not figure out. That afternoon my cousin filled me in on an angel named Brian Hatt who was rooting in my corner. Thank you Brian!

And now that this is over I can finally just relax and enjoy victory. One more big thank you to everybody who helped! I love you all! Hey let's celebrate! Maybe Goosetown tonight?

Polls Still Open

2005-12-16T00:33:00.000-08:00

So people have been wondering whether or not I've won NOTW. Well, for some reason unknown to me they did not close the polls on Monday morning like they were suppose to. I am still winning, but my lead is diminishing so I guess just keep up the voting until further notice. Here's the link. Do your thing. Thanks for all your support!
http://neighborhoodies.com/catalog/notw_vote.php

It's Not Too Late To Vote

2005-12-13T11:38:00.000-08:00

Why the polls are still open? I don't know. My best guess is that they just got busy with the holiday rush and don't have time to. It's a bit frustrating because I was winning at what was suppose to be the closing time yesterday. I am still winning but now I have to monitor my lead until they up and decide to finally end it. It's a hassle. And my computer is blocked from the site so it's a little difficult to monitor. So victory isn't entirely 100% in the bag just yet. Anything could happen, but I'm hoping it will stay this course until then. So keep voting until my pics not up there anymore.

2005-12-13T09:36:00.000-08:00

Dittie of the Day:
A true friend never says I TOLD YOU SO, even if she did.

2005-12-12T07:53:00.001-08:00

Dittie Of The Day:
Make your own rules - they're more fun to break.
*how appropriate!

Does Everybody Have Their Fingers Crossed?

2005-12-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

I'm completely blocked out from neighborhoodies. I can't see at all whether I am winning or not. It's maddening to not know whether I should be stressed or not, whether I should be making phone calls or not, whether I should be at a computer lab someplace voting for myself. Please God, secure me victory even though I realize how trivial it really all is in the scheme of things. I'm also praying that they close the polls promptly. I've sent an email to them to see if that can happen. On edge until then. But I hear that somehow with no thanks to me being blocked out, I have gained enough point to pull from 50 behind last night to 90 ahead this morning. So I hear. Like I said... I'm blocked out and can't monitor my progress.

2005-12-11T20:22:00.000-08:00

Dittie Of The Day:
Don't just be the life of the party - be the party of life.

2005-12-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

Dittie Of The Day:
Make every day independence day - pledge allegiance to yourself.

Only 4 More Voting Days... And I'm Losing!

2005-12-08T09:20:00.000-08:00

Crisis of the Day... Zut Alors has passed me up. Please help me regain my lead. If you haven't been voting for me, please do so. It takes only a second and I make it easy as pie for you. Your votes really do mean alot to me. If you have already been consistantly voting for me, then let me take this moment to thank you for all your support. Keep up the good work, and feel free to forward this to you friends who you think you can sway into joining the cause. Thank you!
And here's your link of the day... vote away!
http://neighborhoodies.com/catalog/notw_vote.php
And keep spreading the love...
Liz

Voting Takes Only A Second

2005-12-07T10:45:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know I'm winning but I still need your votes because Zut Alors is not really that far behind me. Please click this link and keep up the votes. Thanks!

http://neighborhoodies.com/catalog/notw_vote.php

Please Vote Again

2005-12-06T09:02:00.000-08:00

Have you voted for me yet today? I thought this was going to be an easy victory but apparently this Zut Alors guy is putting up a fight. So please help keep me ahead.
Click this link and vote for me.
http://neighborhoodies.com/catalog/notw_vote.php
Thanks!
LIZ FOR NOTW!!

GO VOTE FOR ME!!

2005-12-05T13:01:00.000-08:00

LIZ FOR NOTW!!

Now I know some of you are little confused about what's going on so I'll do some clarifying for you. Neighborhoodies is an absolutely amazing company that creates customized clothing. I am a huge fan. Last Wednesday their staff chose my neighborhoodie creation to be the Neighborhoodie Of The Day (NOTD). This week all of last weeks NOTD's go up for election on their website to see who will become the Neighborhoodie Of The Week (NOTW). The voting runs through next Monday morning. The winner wins a "glamorous prize" of some sorts. I'm not doing it for the prize. I want the recognition of being put on in the NOTW archives. Please help me out.

Here's what you can do... Go vote for me.

Click on this link.... http://neighborhoodies.com/catalog/notw_vote.php

Then select the submission for 11/30 of me in my shirt.

Then click the "Vote Now" button.

Then repeat the process from any other computers you have access to every day until next Monday. It will count one vote per ip address per day. I'll send you reminders.

Thanks for your votes.

Liz

Mom Sick As Death

2005-12-05T02:38:00.000-08:00

So after 4 days of complete and utter misery, my mother submits herself to going to the doctor. She's really bad so I take her to the emergency room. I'm prepared for a very long wait, but am surprised for the God send of them taking her right away. Her initial blood pressure was extremely low so the take her in and give her a bed right away, but then her blood pressure reads just fine. I think it was the coat she was wearing. Then they kind of narrow it down to just the typical flu symptoms and I'm a bit worried they are going to bypass the seriousness of it. But then there is the fluid in her lungs and the chest xrays that show that she has really bad double neumonia. They admitted her and are keeping her for a few days. I just got home. I have to get a little rest before work. Pray for my mom to be able to rest and heal quickly.

I'd Like To Nominate Myself For Candidacy

2005-11-30T12:56:00.000-08:00

Check me out...

I'm the Neighborhoodie of the Day!!!

Be prepared because next week the voting begins. I need to make Neighborhoodie of the week. I need as many votes as possible. It will count one vote per day per ip address. So hit me up from your home and your office everyday next week. Tell your friends. Vote for Liz!

Just What Was Needed! Whew!

2005-11-27T08:40:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning... I wake Carrie up for her flight and she is no better after the 4 hours of sleep. She keeps up the puking for her whole trip home. If I didn't know better you'd think she was coming home from Vegas. I headed off to church to teach sunday school. It was a great weekend with lots of good times and memories. Sharing all those experience really brought us close again. We both needed it so badly. We've both experienced bouts of lonliness lately and it couldn't have been more perfect timing for us. We are best friends but it's been a long time since we got to act like it. And now I've convinced her to come back for Christmas. I can't wait!
Saturday night... We celebrated the ND victory by heading to 180 in Los Gatos with John and Jeff. Carrie being an ND alumni took her celebrating a bit too seriously. She was really keeping up with the boys. We went to the Brit to meet up with Bill, Elliott, Josh, and Samantha. It wasn't long though before Carrie was hitting the restrooms proving that she was her drunkest ever. With her condition we scratched our plans to do an all nighter over at Cardinal and just headed to my house.
Saturday... With Butters in tow we headed to Santana Row for Wahoos. Carrie and I have a fondness for Wahoos having lived in Wahoo central down in Newport Beach. Butters fit in perfectly with the Santana Row crowd. She is the perfect shopping dog. We visited a few of Carrie's old friends before we headed to the Notre Dame vs. Stanford football game. It was the last game in the Stanford stadium before tearing it down. It was definately the best game I ever saw. It was really close there up in the last 2 minutes. But thank God... Notre Dame came though with just one second left on the clock. So off to the bowl they go. GO IRISH!
Friday night... Patty, Carrie, and I headed to Miyake to meet up with the KAK krew. It was wild fun. And when we got there there was that Cheers moment when everybody was excited I was there and wanted to say hi. It felt great and made up for the fact that they had forgotten to invite me and that I wouldn't have known except for running into them the night before. After dinner and not enough sake bombs, the KAK went to Rudy's while we carted our little group over to Blue Chalk. We met back up at the Cardinal Lounge afterwards for a little late night eats. And then we had a little after party over at KAK house. And I didn't leave until 5am. But it was so worth it.
Friday... I started out Black Friday at the Gilroy Outlets where we met up with Annie for a little Eric's Deli. I can't get enough of their holiday sandwhich. Then we stopped for a very emotional goodbye with our high school spanish teacher, Mr. Fernandez. We have always been very close to him and it was sad because it could realistically be the very last time we see him. He has been battling lymphomic cancer and although he is currently ok, there are still some spots that they are watching and he is very tired and week by it all. And now he is moving back to Spain to be with his family. We do intend to go visit in Spain, but if we put it off too long then we may miss the boat if his cancer returns. It was a tearful goodbye. After that we went to have dinner with Carrie's brother, dad and his wife. They are always alot of fun with tons of great stories and laughs.
Thursday Night... So this weekend with Carrie was just what we both needed. She came to stay with me Thanksgiving night bringing along her pug dog, Butters. That night we headed to the Brit where we had an awesome time with a ton of friends... Billy, Elliott, Josh, Marisa, and coincidentally the KAK krew were there. So that was a fun night because I got to hang out with TiTi too.
Thanksgiving... first I headed up into the mountains to have an early dinner with Jerome's family. His parents are so nice to me. His mom Kathy actually had offered to come pick me up the night before when I was "sick as death" and take me to their place and take care of me. Then after that I headed to Thanksgiving at my mom's house. My sister went elsewhere which was fine by me because I'm still a little pissed that she hasn't apologized for the whole kidnapping incident last week. Dinner was great. And afterwards we walked downtown to Christmas in the Park before heading back for pumpkin pie. It was very quaint. Then my sister showed up so I booked it out of there. No, kidding. I had to leave anyways. Carrie was on her way to my house with Butters.

Sick As Death

2005-11-23T23:35:00.000-08:00

I woke up with a soar throat. That progressed into a fever with chills and body aches. And then came the headache and naseau. 102 degrees completely weak unable to move or get out of bed. My call for help falls through leaving a package of get better meds on my door step. A door step I cannot get to, a can of soup I cannot cook, a bottle of water I cannot open, a pill I cannot swallow. And unfortunately I have isolated myself so well that I have nobody to call on for help. So I sit just waiting getting ever worse until Karis comes in and brings me the doorstep package and opens the water for me. Medicine consumed and fever breaks. I still feel horrible. I hope I will be well enough to go to Thanksgiving, but it's up in the air.

TWENTY EIGHT

2005-11-23T01:07:00.000-08:00

The best thing I received... proof of a listening ear who has made an effort to understand what I'm feeling and turned that into a little poem that I just found in my inbox. I love it! It was so special.
Thanks, Andrea!

T urning an age
W ishing for something other
E ager to move on, move up, out, away
N earer to God, to Goodness, to Truth
T rying to trust, in patience and faith
Y earning to be a part, not apart

E arnestly living
I nnocently searching
G raciously serving
H appily blogging
T enaciously turning ... 28

With Love,
31

Let It Breathe

2005-11-22T01:34:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've been forced to take a bribe. A bribe I was avoiding and that I was not given an option in accepting. I feel like there are terms to the bribery that are forced on me... terms I had been rejecting because they required that I be fake. But I have this bribe now that I cannot return and I am forced into these undesirable terms of agreement... terms that insist I pretend and compromise my justified and valid feelings. It's a bandaid bribe mostly for the benefit of the bribers so they can feel better about things and not have to see the ugly hurting sore beneath. But my pains don't need a bandaid. They need air to breathe, to form my hard ugly scab, and let the healing occur behind the scenes, so when that scab is ready to fall off it will reveal new skin. Picking at it will only make it worse and leave a scar.

Today I am twenty eight. I do not want to celebrate it with anybody, not even with those I love. I want it to just pass. The best gift anybody could give me on this day is space.

Kidnapped

2005-11-21T16:54:00.000-08:00

I do not get along with one of my sisters at all, although she pretends to everybody else that we are close, when in truth we do not talk hardly ever. I don't pretend. She is a much nicer person to absolutely everybody else in the world. She treats people like they were family, but her family... not so well. To me she is the most inconsiderate and rude person I know. My home group wanted to do some volunteer work with kids and christmas this year. My sister has headed up a small private toy drive called Toys For Kids through Victim Witness for over 10 years. So I offer for my group to help her out. So she asks me to accompany her to go to lunch with the lady at Victim Witness who is collecting the families we will be providing for. That went fine although I was sickened watching her tear up with love over the lady's 14 year old daughter that my sister is so fond of... someone she hardly sees or knows. We accompany the lady to her office so that my sister can hand out some wrapping paper stuff that some of the officemates had purchased from my nephew. But seriously that only takes 20 minutes. My sister is chatting it up with everyone and when she goes to drop off the last thing she doesn't come back for at least an hour and a half. I am trapped without my car or phone. I don't know where she has gone and I am just sitting in this lady's office the whole time. She's done this once before so I'm grateful that right before I left my house I grabbed my Sudoku book which helped to occupy me. But after a while it is just ridiculous as I think of all the things I needed to get done today. With that I write a note telling her I left and hop the lightrail back to my mom's house where my car is. It was so rude and inconsiderate to leave me waiting for her for an hour and a half. She has always been mean and disregarding and judgemental and manipulative (towards me). She doesn't know me or want to know me or even know I exist. She has never been nice to me or at least not since I was a child and I don't know why. It is always hard for people to believe this about her because she is always so super nice to them when they meet her. But ask Carrie. She can vouch. And this is why we are not close.

She's faking it here. I'm 13 and already we are estranged.

2005-11-18T16:43:00.000-08:00

I'm astonished by the foe or friend outlook people have out there. It appears that in ending the disillusionment of friendship, people have taken that to mean that we are now enemies. Of course, that was in no way my intention. I did not intend to change my behavior towards people much at all. I was just changing my mindset from one of disillusionment to one of reality. I wasn't looking to become public enemy number one. None the less, people felt it necessary to retaliate to my public frustrations that were geared toward no one person in particular by dishing out personal insults and accusations. It's like having issues with the entire judicial system and then having one judge come an put you in jail for it. It only confirms your original issues you had with it in the first place.

Reactionary Revolution

2005-11-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

So people are reacting very funny to my last post. I think the most important thing to clarify is that I am in no way suicidal. I'm just a lousy artist. It's not a heart being stabbed. It's a heart with a hard dry cracked shell being pried open by God. It's a good thing! I drew it during a church service Sunday night when I felt like God was really working on me and bringing me hope. I'm really not suicidal. I never would be. I promise. A common reaction has been this theory of ... Oh, she's not talking about me... think again. Or then there's the reaction... oh, she's just mad at so-n-so... everybody is the problem, not one individual. And then there is the concerned people who decide that all of a sudden they are there for me... too late... don't care... it's a totally insincere jesture at this point. There is the idea that I don't like the people around me. Wrong! I do like them all alot which is why I tried so hard to create friendships with them and bring them into my life. But it didn't work. We aren't really friends. And that's fine. Some have thought that by me blogging it that it was an attack or a call for help. It wasn't meant to be either. It was really meant as a wake up call... in essence an end to the disillusionments on both sides. I'm not fooled and nor should you be about the standing of our interactions. I'm not trying to fix things. There is nothing to "fix". It just is what it is. As I am challenged to examine my interactions with those around me... I should mention that there are a few people to whom although we do not spend much time together, anytime we speak I am consistently reminded that they sincerely care. People like Kelvyn, Jerome, Sheila, Polly, and the other Liz. These people have taught me that real friendships don't require a ton of time as much as they require sincerity. And Carrie is there for me even though I hate her not being here and signing stupid leases that will keep her away from me at least until August. And Nate is here for me even though I hate this completely lame going no where year and a half long psuedo anything but a relationship thing we have. And Zac never lets me slip through the cracks to which I am constantly grateful that God has made him my friend, perhaps the most perceptive friend I have. It is not to say that I am cutting all ties, just to merely admit the reality that really there are no ties.

Pried Heart

2005-11-15T02:08:00.000-08:00

So people have asked about my big annual birthday party that for months now has been scheduled for this Saturday. So I know that this won't sound like me, but you all don't know me that well after all. I'm not having a party. I'm going to sit this one out. Primarily because I hate absolutely everybody. And by everybody I mean you. And by hate I mean hurt. Except Sheila and usually Carrie. And I could have yet another huge blowout party with a hundred people who know me but are not my friends. Often popularity is seen as friendships, but it certainly has never felt like friendship. And of the few I have had, even fewer have lasted as potentials for depth fall short. The hurts of pretend friendships have hardened me to even try anymore... betrayal, disloyalty, inconsideration, sneakiness, abandonment, manipulation, neglect, hostility, and unreciprocated relationships. I don't want to try anymore. I'm too hurt to care. It's too late for me. And the thought of a big party... to gather everyone who knows me together and look around and think to myself that not one of them is a real friend, well it's just not how I want to celebrate my birthday. So no big party. No party at all.

Help Needed

2005-11-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

I'm about to take active steps to hire a part time personal assistant. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And there is too much not getting done. And still more to get done in the future. I just can't wait for Raylene to grace me with her presence one day a year to help. And frankly I am feeling overwhelmed by my personal to do list. Too overwhelmed to get anything business related accomplished in my home office where I am constantly reminded of all the other things that need to be done. Somethings gotta give.

emilys liz drawing

2005-11-05T01:17:00.000-08:00

emilys liz drawing
Originally uploaded by Lizapalooza.

5 year old Emily's obvious rendition of me. She actually draws excellently for her age range. And this is a good likeness I would say (except for the pig like nose). The freckles are key. It's exactly what I was wearing that day too.

What Am I? A Closet.

2005-11-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

Ok. Only Carrie will get the title. So I went to Target to get office supplies and a blender, but I also had to exchange a skirt... a skirt that was too big... a skirt that I bought because it was on clearance and I really liked the design and length, but it is actually maternity. So I just bought one 4 sizes to small and figured that would be the maternity equivolent. But it ends up that 6 sizes smaller is the right size. So anyways, I some how end up in the clothing section where I kind of go clearance crazy and never make it to the kitchenware or stationary departments. I sit here now wearing as many new clothes as possible. The new skirt over the new pants with the new shirt and the new jacket on top. None of it matching. I guess I have to go back tomorrow for a blender. Hmmm. That didn't really work out so well. At least I walked out spending less than a hundred.

Just 20 More Days

2005-11-02T10:03:00.000-08:00

... until my birthday! I really need to get started with this party planning. I'm turning 28. Entering late twenties and can no longer pull off mid twenties. With every year are new sets of social standards that I come to realize I'm behind on. The other morning my house phone rings and oddly enough I am compelled to answer it which I normally do not. On the other end is my childhood best friend Tasia. I had lost her and she had tracked me down. Coincidentally, I had just been talking about her the night before with Jerome's mom. So it was amazing to have her pop back into the scene all of a sudden. Well, she is a year younger than me and doing amazingly. She's married with three children ages 8, 5 and 1. They just bought a house in Olivehurst. She runs a daycare out of her home. And to top it off she looks beautiful. She models. Hmmm. I'm so happy for her but with this next birthday approaching those daunting thoughts start looming in the back of my mind. Shouldn't I have something to show for by now? A relationship, a spouse, a house, children, a business, a high power promotion, a degree, a talent, a pet even? something? anything? Whatever I've been doing in life the last 10 years of my adulthood seemed to prove a bit unfruitful. And I have a feeling it doesn't appear to be so from the outsiders viewpoint, but it feels like it on the inside. And my life is full of potential and I have dreams and visions I'm working on. I think I have just traded the typical pillar points for fun and experiences, but even that has slowed these days. I have done a little bit of everything but haven't exceled in anything. So I thought it would be great to dig up that picture of me and Tasia at my 5th Birthday party to put up here, but low and behold... my yellow box of childhood pictures is missing from my room. It is no where to be found. I've just spent an hour searching and I haven't found it. Now this is a very disturbing scenario. That box hold alot of precious photos. And there is no good explanation on where it could be. But it's lack of being in any of it's obvious places is driving me crazy. Pray for me. I'm going photo hunting.
[editors note: Ok, so as it's pointed out to me... I do have a house. and a cat. and a passport more full than most. and a very comfortable stress free life.]

How to make my day...

2005-10-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

When I've had a morning of looking over my bank account and calculating what needs to shifted until the money comes in, stop by my bedroom and hand me your rent check 5 days early. Score. I'm not in the bind I thought I was anymore. This bbq I'm throwing friday is now funded.

i'm not here to keep you down

2005-10-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

Love this little music video starring my dear cousin as Charlotte... the beautiful girl on the bike. The song is called Compass and it's by Okay. My favorite part is the ever familiar pigtail buns silhouetting in the sun at the end. This video was made by a friend of hers, but she also makes great videos herself. I love this one she did over in Korea. It's great! I want to make videos, but I think it is perhaps easier if one has a mac. And I'm just not ready to make that type of conversion. But I did make a conversion of sorts today. I switched from Bank of America to Wells Fargo. My choice was purely motivated on Wells Fargo having a later cut off time for changing or submitting same day online bill payments. It's the number one way I get myself in trouble... not making the deadline. So hopefully this will fix that.

Annoying Me...

2005-10-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Just about everything. Flaky employer who isn't paying me enough to screw around with my schedule the way they do. This will end soon. I don't feel much of a need to tolerate too much longer. Secretive and Sneaky roommates. Although I think this issue may be getting better, but not really. Boxes around the house waiting to be picked up. I think they lag knowing that it drives me crazy and they hope I will eventually deliver them in my annoyance. And my bank who likes to screw around with my account sometimes. They are really annoying me. I'm also annoyed with my own procrastination. I'm leaving the house now. Must be productive. I go forth.

An Introduction To Bulletpoint Reviews

2005-10-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have found myself very intimidated by the gap in time that I have not posted and this impulse to compensate with mass amounts of catch up posts. But this gets daunting in itself and makes me only further procrastinate. And then somehow my blog becomes a source of stress that is now on my to do list rather than an enjoyable activity. I do not apologize for my gap, but I will explain part of the problem. It started with this brillant little notebook wallet that my cousin turned me onto. Now I write and plan and draw and refer back to it as needed. My blog use to be my reference point for such things. And in the back of my notebook is a page where I jot down things I want to blog about. Well now the list is terribly long and I wonder how I will ever convey all these ideas to you. Do I just disregard those ideas that so inspired me and pick up here and now? I've decided yes and no. I will be picking up from here but I will also be tracing backwards with a new segment I will be calling "Bulletpoint Reviews". They will basically be blips into what I should have told you weeks ago and may border now on irrelevant but still valuable. And they start right now...

Gong girls thought that it would be nice to have brothers so they picked up these little grows in water people and are growing themselves brothers in large cups in their bathrooms.
I haven't had steady work for a few months now and a few weeks ago I find myself very short on money with a fairly large cell phone bill looming. In an attempt to be as responsible as possible in my non payment, I call the company to apologize and let them know that my payment will be undefinately late. Their response is to tell me that oh by the way, they owe me money because they haven't been honoring my free nights and weekends for the last year. He does the math and when it's all said in done I have a credit for the entire amount of my very large cell phone bill as well as an additional $40 credit towards my next bill. Hooray! God bless conveniently planned screw ups!
In my word of the day I discover that I am a "sybarite". Know what that is? Here's the link, but realize that I am really trying to break this trend.
So I got the pimp job I was waiting on. I'm a part time nanny for 3 kids... 2 boys, 1 girl ages 2,5,7. Mom's a police officer. Dad is a fire fighter. Their schedules are crazy chaotic. I work 12 hr days starting at 4:30am. What makes it pimp though is that because they both have strange revolving 4 day on, a few days off schedules, I only end up having to work about 8 or 9 days a month. Now wouldn't you rather work 9 long days than 24 short days? I would! Oh, and I got a significant raise.

Just Push Publish!

2005-09-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

Well, it was the usual success! Lots of fun and lots of friends old (Danny Page) and new (Breea). Michelle enjoyed her birthday. The place looked great. No cops came. No major dramas. I, of course, over did it slightly, but not as much as usual, so that was good. Financial restraints kept me reeled in. Thus I'm only $150 in the hole. But I'm working tonight and I have temporary part time work set up for October. And a permanant part time gig set up for November... yep, the pimp job. The details... mom is a police officer and dad is a firefighter. And together they have the most wacked out schedule that results in 12 hour days, but only for about 8 days a month. I'd rather work 8 long days than 24 short days. This gives me so many days off for ministry or working on my new big vision or sitting in my chair all day in my pajamas like I do now. Or maybe going on field trips. I went on a great field trip on Monday. I went up to Oakland with Nate because he had a rehearsal up there. While he did his thing I took a little detour to Lake Merritt, where the goal was to experiment with the art form of pastels. I'm a perfectionist so I often get very frustrated with paint. And I love to draw. Pencils are a very forgiving medium so I was trying to find something in the middle. But when I got there what I did instead was spend an hour doing photography. I found this interesting because I was going for the immediate gratification and staying clear of the new uncomfortable setting. I realized the parallel that existed between my pursuit of art and my pursuit of ministry. Frustrated with my own patheticness in how far my neurosis really do extend, I put the camera away and forced myself to sit down and create. This is what I came up with.

I'll try again another time. I need more colors. Then Nate and I had lunch in Jack London Square and then headed up to San Francisco and hit up Golden Gate Park. The playground was taken over by a film crew shooting a movie called The Pursuit of Happiness featuring Will Smith who was spotted here. We followed it up with grabbing some chowder down at the wharf. An overall fabulous field trip.

Soliton

2005-09-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

soliton92005-0311
Originally uploaded by robspain.

I don't know how managed to not write about this yet. Overall, it was a good experience that I would do again. But here's the breakdown... from the pictures of years past it seemed to be more interactive mind stretching participatory symbolic types of activities, which is what really intrigued me because that is completely my style. And I hear there use to be just a ton of worship. But this year no worship (at least not the musical kind). And it was almost all talk and lecture and conversations... a learning style that really just doesn't fit me. The other thing I encountered was that they use a vocabulary I am unfamiliar with because I do not go to an Emergent Church. I wasn't even sure what an "Emergent Church" was. I got a better understanding when I got home and found this definition online. There was no explanation or purpose or goal stated for the conference. It was like walking into a conversation and trying to catch up on what we are talking about.

What made it worth while was the opportunity to meet and bond with other Christians (including those I went with from my church). It was great to see what kind of causes people were drawn to and how they were working for these causes... an outreach to the brothel workers in Sao Paulo, working against the fear and segregation between protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland, a worldwide crusade against human trafficking. I also really did enjoy opportunities like the bloggers lunch meeting where the topic turned to the theology of sex and marriage. And nights gathered round the fire pit at Jared's was an amazing part of it. And thank God Jared & Regina let us stay with him despite their impending baby due date (which came last night!!), otherwise we would have been left out of what I consider to be the best part of the soliton experience. My favorite Roxy flipflops were sacrificed in my need to be close to the flames. You can tell the impact the fire nights made on me by checking out my soliton photo set. Rob has good pics too.

And what made Soliton really a significant event in my life was how the Lord worked through me and inspired me with a whole new vision. In the last hour and a half of the conference I sat away from the group in a corner listening and praying and receiving from God a quite detailed impression of how I can contribute, what needs to be created, and how to do it. I'm really excited. And everyone wants to know what it is, but honestly it's a bit to complex to just say. It takes a 1/2 hour conversation. So I won't be writing about it anytime soon. But let me apologize to my fan base now. You'll be very sad to hear that it has virtually nothing at all to do with crepes. I will still of course make crepes on frequent occasion for my friends. And I may still distribute out crepes for a very interested chef to use. But for now await the big vision.

But I'll leave you with a poem that was written at soliton on a walk to seek out God in the city.

The Mission
Pray with me it beckons
but just one kneels and prays
but for what

Green conservatism with hair pulled back
housing inner angst of fear, pain, sorrow, needs
and does this building provide for the $1 admission cost

The church theme is a need for light.
There is darkness inside,
just a few windows, a few candles lit.
And there are candelabras, tall pillar candles, chandeliers even.
Still this is the Lord's house.

But if it was all lit, if it could be maximized and filled with light,
a holy light, an angel light, a heavenly light
that would pour down and drench the dark and dreary
and bring the light of hope.

Dear Abby

2005-09-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday.
Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning,and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job four years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy big cigars and cruise around and shoots the breeze with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed,
Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore.You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.

2005-09-07T15:12:00.000-07:00

Off to Soliton

2005-09-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

I will do my best to not come back with a fabulous tatoo. I think my lack of funds will help. I am taking off in about an hour and I'll be back whenever. Maybe Saturday night. Maybe Sunday night. Maybe Monday. I'll just see how it goes.... see what opportunities present themselves.

Labor Day Lounging

2005-09-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

Nothing big this weekend. Somehow KAK left me out of their plans to go to Newport this weekend, so o-well. I had girls night out on Friday.... dinner and cosmos at my house before heading to downtown san jose to go bar hopping. The bars were subpar as usual. I'm not a fan of the downtown scene. I did see some friends while I was out and that's always pleasant. And then Saturday was the Byrne Housewarming Party which was great. Wow! Their house looks great now that it has furniture. And their love sak... oooohh... am I ever so jealous. And it was great to finally catch up with Kelly. Then on Sunday was the normal church morning with me teaching sunday school. We had a church food fest afterwards that was great. It was a better turnout than I would have expected for a labor day weekend. Then I gave Karis driving lessons. The girl needs to learn how to drive stick shift. I always want her to drive so I can do my makeup in the car, but no go. So we are working on this now. Then we headed over to Tapestry and Talent downtown. I bought some big moviestar sunglasses. And I bought a customized purse that I should get next week. Eversince I got my neighborhoodie, I try and customize absolutely everything. Why not? It's always worth a try. Then I went out to see Four Brothers, but was it a date? Just because it's consistent does mean it's commitment. And on Labor Day, I used this day off of unemployment to splurge on gas and take a long drive up to Big Basin for a little hike and then over to Capitola for some beaching and then back into town for some bbq and monopoly at the Skarbeks. So let me tell everybody that Pete Byrne is my absolute hero. I adore him. In less than a minute he had fixed my camera! God bless him! I was so excited. Thank you, Pete! So thanks to him I was able to take this great pic of Michelle and Jason. Can't you just feel the love?