I just got back from seeing The Village. M Knight Shyamalan always has those awesome twists to his movies that really get you thinking and this one serves it up as well. It's such a trip. I highly recommend it. Last night I saw The Notebook which was the super romantic love story it appeared to be. The preview explains it all though. The Village had a real good little love story in it too.

Ooouie!  I got new windows and they look pretty damn hot!  I also got new gables.  They cost more than they were suppose to so I have to postpone the paint job for another month.  The house looks great.  And once I finish the paint job then it will be mostly done.  I still need to landscape and eventually put on a new roof.  I've really enjoyed all these home improvements.  The place next door is going on the market for a low price.  I'm tempted to buy it and start all over again.  And then I can join the 2 houses together.  That would be so awesome and there would finally be 2 bathrooms (for an 8 bedroom house).

I overdosed on kettle corn and grape bubbly tonight.  I escaped early from the crib to reminisce in the corporate scene.  I accompanied Carrie to her company picnic and got a special treat in having it catered by my absolute favorite... NOLA's.  We even ran into the hot waiter whom we've dubbed as Mike Nola as if it is his last name.  Much like Nate F&A and Charles Remedy.  I decided that I still don't like most alcohol including sangria and I cheered on Carrie as she came in 3rd in the tricycle race.  I dropped Carrie off at the airport and saw my girl off to Seattle for the weekend.  I'd be pissed she's gone except my weekend is taken up in its entirety by a church camping trip.  I came home and gathered gear out of the garage and pulled every item I ever purchased at REI out for the occasion.  My roommates joined me in my room and we all caught up with another Carrie... Sex in the City season 2.  Slowly making it through the phenomenon that passed me by the first go around.  Apparently my sister is in Manhattan as I write this.  She's working there this summer.  I think this warrants a trip out there. 

My client on the side bought a new house around the corner from me.  Tonight the kids and I went over to the new house to hang out a bit.  This new house is my perfect dream party house.  The house itself is smaller than their old house, but they will be adding on next year.  What makes this house amazing is the perfect party backyard.  Imagine a large swimming pool (20x40) with a diving board and adjoined hot tub.  Imagine a separate garage that has old school tile perfect for a dance floor.  Attached to the garage is a game room with a pool table and sliding glass doors that open up to the gorgeous wooden deck over looking a ravine filled with big shading redwoods.  Imagine an outdoor fireplace for making smores and having guitar accompanied sing alongs.  Imagine a full outdoor kitchen area with huge built in bbq.  Imagine a wooden gazebo to hide out in.  Imagine a huge grass section that as of today is decorated with a bright wooden play structure with swings and slides and climbing walls.  This house is so perfect in so many ways.  Just think of the party potential.  Did I mention the outdoor shower.  Well, the kids and I ate pizza and then swam until they were dead tired.  I drove them home and they were the easiest to put to bed I had ever seen them.  When they move in I will make them take mandatory 20 minutes swims prior to bedtime every time I watch them. 

I think that I have decided that although I can buy my house, I am not ready to.  I shouldn't  assume the responsibility of the house just to get the start up money needed.  Yes, a line of credit would be perfect and make everything in my life ten times easier.  But I'll just have to get an old fashion loan for now.  Maybe I can find a grant for some of it and later when I have finished having my dad replace the roof and piping and the business is going good and my credit is in better shape... Then I will buy the house and open a line of credit against it and use it to pay off my loan. 

Nice.  Blogger just added spell checking to its features.  And there is an easy link to change the color of your text... no more guessing code.  This weekend... got red burning skin rare to my complexion, played in the beach sand with kids while freezing in the breeze, got use of that camouflage bikini, spent time both days with old friends who I don't like much anymore, obsess about the patheticness of going through an identity crisis in my mid twenties, bid temporary farewell to two great friends, moved in a new roommate, sat in silence for an hour with my dad too afraid to talk lest I start to cry, handed absolutely all my money over to the contractor working on my house, watched my old love and new love converse with their connections to my soul unbeknownst to either, made a date to play dorky board games, cleaned my house, found support and insight into a favorable plan to purchase my house, made it through the party where everyone asks what I've been up to and I opt to say nothing rather than to tell them that I feel like my life is crashing down around me.  Other popular questions that irritate me:  So what are you doing now?  Nothing.  I'm a nanny.  I have no career.  Now why don't you tell me about your successful life.  Where have you gone lately?  Ya, I know I use to jet off all over the place, but I don't travel anymore.  I'm broke and can't afford to because I pour every cent into a house that's not even really mine.  My life is now boring and uneventful.  I'm done with today.  Goodnight.
 
Oh... I went to see anchorman.  Hilarious! 
Goal for next week:  remember to take the trash can to the curb, sign up for health insurance, and organize absolutely everything because your house isn't really clean until your even your cupboards are tidy.

Tonight I headed to Sheila's new place where she fed me wonderful mediteranean food followed by a 7 mile walk and talk around Mountain View. Kristen and I ditch out on our plans to go out tonight and postpone to tommorrow. This is good because it is too soon to get drunk again. Heaven forbid I become a regular alcoholic. Highlight of the day was when Kristen called to inform me that they have opened an Urban Outfitters in Santana Row. This is my favorite store ever and I'm so excited to not have to go all the way to Santa Cruz to do my best shopping. I'm going tomorrow to get the sweater that I regret not buying last time I was there. I'm exhausted today (luckily baby was too). Last night I stayed up till 2am watching 50 first dates with Haylee and Eric. That movie was so good. I love a good ending.

My computer is on the blitz. It won't connect to the internet so no posting lately. I'm working my finances to see whether I can get a new one. Hmmm... new gables on the house or new laptop? Update on life... lost 5 lbs from crying and have resolved myself to not think about it at all. The neighbors are selling their house. Maybe I can buy that one. This weekend I got legitamatly drunk for the first time... not trashed, but definately not sober. But we succeeded in our mission of landing Kristen a job at my friend's bar. At first the boys were hesitant, but after we showed them how she can hype up the crowd and get em all drinking, they agreed to hire her. I got a new roommate who is moving in next weekend. Her name is Cheryl and she seems really nice. I've bribed kitty to come home and hang out. I had missed my little girl. I thought she would ditch out today once I went to work and go back to the neighbors, but she was there waiting for me when I got home. I may have really won her back. My mom had surgury on Friday morning. They removed her gallbladder and it all went well. The gallstone she had was the biggest the surgeon had ever seen... something like the size of a raquetball. She's laid up at home recouping. That's it for now. I am heading out to go see Farenheit 911 tonight.

Right now it's either go get a small business loan on my own which I probably won't get approved for or the other thought that pops in is to take out a mortgage loan and buy this house off my dad to be done with it all but that doesn't give me the money for the business. I don't think they open lines of credit right after you've purchased the home. Don't you have to wait a bit. I don't know. I'll talk to a mortgage broker today. But I'm quite sure I can't afford to buy it unless I have a no interest loan. And I can't be sure my dad would be willing to sell it to me. I should just walk away from this whole mess that I call a family. I hate money.

Too good to be true? Apparently so. Today was the worst day of my life. I don't even know where to start. There were small things like finding out my friend/brother is back in some type of trouble with drugs or something (wasn't able to get details). And my cell service was turned off temporarily for not paying the bill. I had carefully planned my bill payments but it all got screwed out of whack when my roommate was late with her rent. But worst of all, oh.. I can't even go into all the details. It hurts so bad. In short, my father rescinded his decision to put me on the title of the house after being freaked out by my */^# of a cousin took it upon himself to call my dad whom he barely knows and declare himself some type of know it all real estate financial advisor. The fact that I'm not getting the house and the money for the business sure as heck sucks but that's not it. It's that my family doesn't believe in me, no faith at all. I knew this about my mom's family and I guess maybe I knew it about my dad too. He was always all cranky and bitter with me, but sometimes his friends would tell me how proud he was of me and I don't know... I guess I kinda believed them. You see I kinda got a raw deal when it came to the family set up. My dad has some money so everybody else in the whole extended family (including my mom's side) goes and bugs him about money stuff and they all borrow from him and in the end when he's all bitter about it. I'm the one who suffers because he sees me as the link to all this junk (even though I'm usually completely unaware any of it is going on until after the fact). And I think in his mind he has basically lumped me in with all of them as someone who is just after some money. But I don't want his money at all. When I was a kid everybody interfered in our relationship. They always were there kissing up and they hardly ever gave us any time alone to bond. They sculpted the relationship to be about money and as a kid I had no idea what was going on. But as I got older I rebelled against this idea and got a job at the age of 12 and started supporting myself and paying for my needs to the best of my ability. But I couldn't keep my mom's family away from him. The other thing is that the whole family somewhat has it out for me because they got this notion that I'm some type of spoiled brat who needs to be humbled and put into place. But I didn't ask for any of that stuff growing up. My family asked for it for me as just another ploy to get money. I had no clue what was going on. I didn't want to go to some prestigious private school. I wanted a public school where there was boys and no uniforms. My sister convinced everyone to send me there because that's where she wanted to go but couldn't afford to. And didn't ask for that car when I turned 16. I didn't even pick it out. My sister bought it and then changed her mind because she wanted a jeep and asked my dad if he'd buy it off of her for me. I just thought if I was lucky maybe I could get his 10 year old falling apart t-bird. And even when my dad did give me money for my birthday or for my grades, I didn't see. I'd see the check in the card and then that was the end of that. There were about $400 in bonds that my mom couldn't cash and I was able to hold onto, but I cashed them in during college to pay some bills. I traveled the world on my own dime. I only had a pony because my best friend gave it to me (or at least that's what they told me. Now that I think of it they probably made my dad pay for that too and nobody told me). Point is that I never wanted his damn money. I just wanted a dad, but never really got that relationship because everybody else was always interfering. So the whole business isn't dead, because my dad's idea is to just throw money at me to appease me like cuz it works for the rest of my clan. But that's bull. I don't want it like that. I want to do this business on my own. I don't want any stupid handouts. I didn't mind borrowing his equity to fake out the banks, but I'm not about to borrow the whole thing so that everytime he looks at me he remembers and is all bitter. I'm tired from crying about this all night. I hate my cousin for getting involved and getting my dad all flipped out. I had come to him on my own and for a second he was distinguishing me from my family. Until abnoxious Johnny called up. I'm so disgusted that my impulse is to just ditch this house and all the work I put into it and just move out or even better move away and say screw them all. I'm really tired from crying. I've got to sleep and hope the morning brings me some type of solution.

Oh what a beautiful morning... Oh what a beautiful day... Everything's coming up roses... Everything's going my way...
This morning I had coffee with Emilie (aka "my pastor's wife"). We discussed everything from my love life to church gossip to my business and of course spiritual stuff too. I may have my first employee. Emilie had totally came to mind and she seemed very excited about it all. She would be perfect to cover late mornings while I work. And then I took Kristen (who just moved here yesterday from New Orleans) and Nicole (her 14 yr old lil sis whose a damn picky eater and looks like she's 21)to SF for the day. I got to go to my favorite store... Urban Outfitters. I rebought the sunglasses that were broken yesterday. We tried to go to Mas Sake, but it was closed for the holiday. So we finished our day back here for sushi at Michi. Imagine Kristen and I basically forcing Nicole to try absolutely everything against her will. And now just a few minutes ago I told that great guy that I can't see him anymore. I know it's the right thing to do though. Part of me is bummed because he had that being romantic as heck thing down. The other part of me is relieved because it's not easy to do the right thing and it's done now and I don't have to be in conflict about it anymore.

And the winning streak continues...
Life gets more and more and MORE amazing for me every single day!! Ok, last time I mentioned the bank's brillant plan for me to get my start up money... remember? Well, the hardest part is done. Here's the plan. The guy at the bank explained how difficult it is to get a small business loan and said it would be much easier if I could: 1. See if my dad would be willing to to put me on the deed of trust to my house so that I can 2. Get a line of credit against the house under the pretence that it is for "emergency and opportunity". This way my father and his credit is not at stake if it doesn't work out (BUT it will work out). The house is at stake, but of course I am going to pay this money back into the house because I would never do anything to jepordize this house. I love this house. I have poured my time, sweat, blood, tears, and money into this house. All my hopes and dreams are tied into it. I plan on raising my kids in this house (even though it is falling apart due to termite damage). So today after church I went and explained it all to my dad and he agreed!!!! YEAH!! This is huge for me! Not just because I get the money I need for the business, but because I will own my house. The house I love will really be mine and I will have this legal tie to it. It's kinda scary to pour so much into a home and in the back of your head you realize you have no rights to it and everything you have worked so hard for can be taken away. And this is huge for the business because I can get my line of credit and know that I did this business all by myself. I'll have support but not handouts, which is how it should be. I'm so dang excited. Happy 4th of July! God bless America! God bless my dad! And God bless you!

Today has been a great day. Everything in my life is good right now. It's not just that there are no crisis at hand, but beyond that... like God is hooking me up in every single aspect of my life. I don't know what I'm doing right but I could really get use to this. Today was an awesome day. This morning I was able to go through all the business license/permit info and get a clear consensus of where I need to be starting all before nap time. After nap and lunch, baby Allison and I took her daddy to the children's discovery museum. I think I had the most fun though. I love that place. I talked the dad into getting us a family plus nanny membership. (Score!) I got off of work early with plenty of time to hit up the bank where I talked to the nicest old man about a much needed small business loan. This is where all my plans could fall apart. I'm far from being the ideal canidate. But this gentleman with only a week from retiring divulged to me all the secrets of what to mention and what definately not to mention. And he came up with a brillant solution on how to get more money than I even need and all without having to get my dad to cosign. And I think it will work. I don't see why it wouldn't. And it actually is just the most perfect (and meaningful) plan that tears are coming to my eyes just thinking about what a huge accomplishment is on the brink of reality. I leave the bank with an amazing reassurance that God is going to help me make this happen. I say all the time that life is better if you just trust God rather than trusting yourself. Because God loves us and wants to give us the best possible life we can have... better than the one we want for ourselves, better than we could even think up. And I have been very trusting and what He is lying before me is better than anything I ever thought up for myself. Anyways, I head to Polly's house to lay pergo in her kitchen and I don't even mind because I'm just so happy to have God blessing me left and right. Well, we just do the prep work so I get spared the hard labor for now and I gain work trade hours so now I am closer to having her come help me for a full day of painting my kitchen. And they call it quits early leaving me with time and energy to head up to the city to see Eliza and enjoy a little crepe inspiration. I even was able to squeeze in some business research before heading up there. Are you confused yet? Wondering what the heck I'm up to? I know. I didn't offer any details. I'm not going to yet. I'm not ready to. Still just a little protective on my "baby". It's nothing super brillant that hasn't been done before. It's just then move in life that will empower me and make me happy. I love you all. Off to dance now...